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[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

When Trump joked that Pence “wants to hang” all gays he actually misspoke. He meant to say Pence wants to know how hung they are.

[Martina McBride @martinamcbride]

Its hard to find words. Praying for all the victims and their families in Las Vegas and all who were affected...which is really all of us.

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Care. Love. Be outraged. Be devastated. Just don’t give up. The world needs good humans today.

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

Today is Clear the Shelters Day. That means you should get to your local shelter and rescue a pet. #ClearTheShelters

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -MLK

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Can’t we just go back to being on the brink of nuclear war?

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

Trump “appeared thrilled” during a military parade when he saw planes overhead. He also spotted a squirrel. Big day for him.

[bob saget @bobsaget]

Anyone crossing your path that doesn't further your positive journey, you're meant to move past and encounter people that move you forward.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

The former president of Brazil was just sent to prison. He was brought down by leaked emails from his son, Former President of Brazil Jr.

[bob saget @bobsaget]

Comedy and sex are two of the best things we can experience. Maybe that's why whenever I have sex, my girlfriend is usually laughing.

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

TRUMP on Russian meddling: "It was Russia, and others, but nobody really knows for sure,"- actually, we do know for sure. EVERYONE KNOWS

[Kevin Hart @KevinHart4real]

Thank you god for letting me see another year....Turning 38 & feeling great!!!! Live Love & Laugh

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I keep trying to think of a funny tweet about North Korea having nuclear missiles. It’s not coming.

[Russell Brand @rustyrockets]

Austerity is not frugality, it is brutality. It is violence.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

How long until we can pay for groceries by simply waving a hand over the register? It's already been an hour but they're asking me to leave.

[Halen @Halensocial]

95% Done with the OnDemand Ride App. #NewApp #Summertime #WashingtonDC #BaltimoreMD #NorthernVA

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Trump is very relieved to be back in America, where he understands what the protestors are saying.

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

Was just thinking about how similar both physically & mentally Trump is to Steven Seagal so I googled it & GUESS WHO HAS A TYPE

[bob saget @bobsaget]

I like big butts and I cannot lie...
When you got a small wiener all butts are big.

[CedricTheEntertainer @CedEntertainer]

Thinking about doing #FiveHeartbeats2 with my partna @justleon we supported @kltruecolors S/o… https://t.co/Mc4wpBAHKC