Mezz

I honestly can’t tell if this is a parody account or not anymore

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

For $50 I’ll play your kids’ Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and for an extra $50 I’ll pass out drunk on the table next to the potato salad

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Me: *Arriving to the pearly gates*

God: “Actually it’s pronounced Jod”

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@ryancohen Wow hot take bro!!!! I think my uncle shared something like this to Facebook 3 years ago

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

RIP

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

GORDON LIGHTFOOT!! HIS FEET WEIGHED SO LITTLE!!!!!!

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

The only nightmares I have now are of me forgetting to take my creatine on my off days

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@elonmusk @CollinRugg Bro you’ve ruined this platform. You think you’re some bastion of free speech but you’ve lost sight of what that really even means. Selling outrage like the rest of these clowns. Sad.

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@charliekirk11 You’re a little weasel boy Charlie

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Going to a goth rave and asking people if they’re Team Edward or Team Jacob

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@IAMFMO What do they serve on Thanksgiving?

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@charliekirk11 Charlie Kirk has a face too small for his head

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Some girl said I look like Kendall from Secession tonight, I’m never going out again

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

@POTUS Dark Brandon Rises

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

A wise man once said “There’s no such thing as bike lanes, only bike suggestions.” I said that

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Why are birds all named things like the thicc-breasted swallow or red-footed slut

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Hi depressed, I’m Dad

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

They called your mom Lemon Squeezy in high school because she was so easy peasy

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

The only Pope I’ll ever support is Papa Romano

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

The libs want you to obey the rules of the road like good little sheeple, when really you should be running over mother fuckers whenever you get the chance

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Who the fuck is this Jeeze O’Petes guy I keep hearing about?

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

I haven’t found love yet but I ordered a foot bath massager on Amazon so I got that going for me

[Mezz @Mezz_Anine]

Blue cheese is high key mid