Michael Swistak

I'm the gatekeeper to my own destiny.

[Mr Ficks Hitt @beewhole]

Imagine the confidence a young man has to have to walk into a restaurant wearing a full blown cowboy hat

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

Let’s Make America Smart Again.

[Michael Swistak @MichaelSwistak]

@joshpotgeter44 Than*

[Dr. Steve Brule @_Steve_Brule]

Happy Thranksgivings ya Turkey!

[lmao @aayylmao]

damn really can't believe winter is almost over but thankful summer 2097 is right around the corner

[relatable @byreIatable]

Rmbr when u thought ppl in their 20s were adults..now we're all in our 20s just kinda fumbling around bumping into things looking for food

[Benjamin A. Vorwerk @bvorwerk]

If a half-naked girl can get thousands of retweets

How many can our troops get?

[Joseph Urban @hondadeal4vets]

If ur not smoking a big ol doink tonight then ur a dumb ass

[lmao @aayylmao]

yo is it just me or what the fuck is going on lmao

[lmao @aayylmao]

why tf couldn't I just be a tree

[lmao @aayylmao]

good morning what the fuck

[lmao @aayylmao]

imagine being a potato sack

[Kenneth P. Vogel @kenvogel]

Trump remembers details of cake he was eating while launching missiles, but not which country he was attacking.

[The Average Shark 🦈 @TheAverageShark]

Swim swim attack bite chomp chomp chomp

[Michael Swistak @MichaelSwistak]

@Brad_Rizzo kalamazoo!!!!

[Michael Swistak @MichaelSwistak]

@T_Whisler nice!!!!!

[Dr. Steve Brule @_Steve_Brule]

I don't care.