Mike: Former Baby

I am now indifferent towards Jeff's goatee

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

.@HomeDepot just wondering the point of locking stuff up if you're just going to make everything self checkout? Where's the logic?

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@DarthDoughboy @RealMamaEagle I think all of the violent things I've seen happen were at away games. Last year at the Bears game I saw some Packers fan get yeeted down the upper level stairs. These people are just soft

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

Had a rough week at work so I treated myself to some astronaut ice cream like I just survived a field trip at the Franklin Institute.

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@JaredDoesMusic You think it was the fuzzy vest?

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

If anyone needs to know. The Princeton band claps when the plane lands

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

Hard-core regretting not bringing my birds hoodie on this work trip

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

I might become a Wild Fork shill after this meal

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

I might become a Wild Fork shill after this meal

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@JaredDoesMusic It's probably a fetish thing

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

Did I sign up for another betting site just so I could get a "free" jersey. Yup. Another Kelly Green incoming

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

I think my favorite part about having pets is that despite not having jobs, they always sleep on the couch like they just pulled a double in the oil fields because the overtime was too good to pass up.

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

That Stott hr really has me bricked up. God I missed gambling

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@MartyComanch3 @CrossingBroad .@Phillies where can a thick fella like myself get a pair?

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@Kelly_K_9 @MartyComanch3 @USNatArchives @Purple I'll tell ya, we're real riled up buckaroo! I'm over here yelling in my Purple twincloud pillow because of how burned I feel

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@MartyComanch3 @Kelly_K_9 @USNatArchives @Purple I'm sure our boy Kelly can take as much copium as he wants and watch everyone else in the post-season. He can even enjoy it on a nice Purple mattress, now $200 off as part of their big Labor Day sale!

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@Kelly_K_9 @MartyComanch3 @USNatArchives @Purple Really dug deep in the dictionary for "copulating" huh? Rather a single wide with my luxurious Purple mattress than a cave

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@MartyComanch3 @Kelly_K_9 @USNatArchives Not only is it dumb, but incredibly soft. Softer than my @Purple mattress with the sleep transforming Gelflex grid system.

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

@AllianzTravelUS @LeExiledOne @Allianz Don't know why you're dipping in 20 days late, but you can tell your customer service people that. My reason fell under two of your "covered reasons" and I still got shit. Your customer service people had a very flippant attitude the entire time

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

.@Allianz ticket insurance is a joke and these people are nothing but theives.

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

I'm currently sitting in the parking lot of Target with 8 housewives sitting in their cars waiting for the store to open. I did this shit on accident but the woman next to me brought crosswords. This is just another Saturday for her

[Mike: Former Baby @MikeLib5]

Bro why is my neighbor moving shit at 1am?