Minutes With Mike

A ray of light in a champagne glass

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Hey old people!
Dank memes = Good
Dank Vapes = Bad
There! you're hip again.
You're welcome.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

If you think know one cares about you...just stop paying your taxes and you'll find out how much they really care

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Top tip: If you have to break up with your girl, do it in a fancy restaurant...when she starts crying everyone will think your proposing and start clapping

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

@beck The show last night in Toronto was Incredible!! Thank you Beck! What a performance!

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Wow! What a weekend! I think I found my soul mate.... It's me.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

30's the 20's you wanted.... Now with less poverty!

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Afghanistan is just Thunder-dome for college tuition at this point. #Madmax #Afghanistan

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Mary Magdalene: Jesus Christ! Where have you been all weekend!!😤😡

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

I ate a Filet-O-Fish today for you Jesus.
#Mcdonalds

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Women: Ok so we're going to need a house and a baby and for you to pay for it all.

Men: Ok cool. We don't need much...if you could just be cool and not a spaz... I think this will be a great arrangement.

Women: No Dice.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

God Damn it Meatloaf! Tell us what it is! What won't you do!? Its been 30 years TELL US!

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

The GO Train should have a bar car.🍸 #Metrolinks #Bombardier #GOtransit

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Welcome to adulthood, everyday will start off with P.E followed by 8 hours of detention.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Put my kids in public school? Why don't I just leave them at the carnival!?

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

I think drunk driving lanes would solve a lot of problems.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Call me old fashioned, but I'm not taking a woman to dinner until we've had sex at least 3 times.

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Son, the world doesn't owe you anything. OK great Dad, I guess I don't owe it anything either then...I'm never paying taxes again!

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Imagine the moment the #Dyson vacuum guy found out that #Roomba's exist and that they even get under the bed and you don't have to do anything... He must have dropped a F-Bomb💣 in the office that day

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

Remember going to church today NOT drunk is an insult to St.Patrick☘️

[Minutes With Mike @MikeMinutes]

If you don't get hammered tomorrow St.Patrick will be disappointed in you and throw snakes at you in the afterlife.