SteyrMike

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@John_of_Gondor @Angel5754254761 Now I've got a Neil Diamond song going on in my head....

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@Angel5754254761 You're good. A lot of us have similar things on our minds.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@deptulahasrage For just one moment I thought of another possible, disturbing definition of "WC tourists". That made it funny.
You are speaking truth.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@CFCBhoy1967 Great party idea!

1 invite lots of Scottish and Japanese folks.
2 get hammered and have a great time.
3 wake up to a clean house.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@PepperCorn99051 I thought of joining , but as an American it seems that amplifying the signal is a better role.
Being used by the opposition as a "Restore aren't from here, look at this" example would mortify me.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@com_oceania It's as if the UK is devoid of rope and trees.

Or tar and feathers for that matter

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@Vote_Restore_UK We're in the same fight my friend

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@AngloLombard Demoralizing the population is a feature

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@jedpharm @amylcris Thank you. Just had an "am I the asshole" moment right after I hit send

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@tanpukunokami Ummm.... No one in that picture looks Japanese. It seems odd for them to be telling Japanese folks what to think.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@knight_scents @Hector89123Sand @accordingtowoz 3?

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@attackdogX

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@przyby_piotr Is it true the fighters we just delivered are called "Winged Hussars"? If so awesome.

[NyanChuu🔮🇯🇵🍭 @tanpukunokami]

The Egg Command System

I ordered breakfast in America.

Simple.

Toast.

Bacon.

Eggs.

Peace.

Then the waitress looked at me and asked,

“How do you want your eggs?”

I froze.

How.

Do I want.

My eggs.

In Japan, eggs usually arrive with a plan.

In America, the egg waits for your leadership.

I said,

“Cooked.”

She smiled.

“What kind?”

Kind?

There were kinds?

She began listing them.

“Sunny side up, over easy, over medium, over hard, scrambled, poached…”

I stopped hearing words.

I heard military ranks.

Sunny Side Up sounded optimistic.

Over Easy sounded suspiciously injured.

Over Medium sounded like a compromise made by tired diplomats.

Over Hard sounded like the egg had survived prison.

Scrambled sounded like the egg lost the war.

Poached sounded illegal.

I asked,

“Which one is safest?”

The waitress said,

“Safe?”

A man at the next table said,

“Just get scrambled, bro.”

Just get scrambled.

America always says “just” before asking you to surrender your dignity.

I looked at him.

“I will not choose cowardice without understanding the battlefield.”

He nodded slowly and returned to his coffee.

The waitress waited.

Patient.

Powerful.

She had guided many men through egg panic.

I pointed at the menu.

“What is sunny side up?”

She said,

“Yolk up.”

“What is over easy?”

“Flipped. Runny yolk.”

“What is over hard?”

“Flipped. Cooked all the way.”

So the egg could be exposed.

Turned over.

Wounded.

Hardened.

Broken.

Or scrambled beyond recognition.

This was not breakfast.

This was an egg career path.

I finally said,

“Over easy.”

The waitress wrote it down.

No ceremony.

No bell.

Just ink on paper.

A decision had been made about the soul of an egg.

When the plate arrived, the eggs looked calm.

Too calm.

White body.

Yellow center.

Soft.

Dangerous.

I touched the yolk with a fork.

It broke immediately.

Golden liquid spread across the plate.

I whispered,

“I have released the sun.”

The man next to me said,

“That’s the best part.”

Of course.

America does not fear the broken yolk.

America puts toast in it.

I tried.

The toast entered the golden flood.

My brain objected.

My mouth promoted the idea.

By the second bite, I understood.

In America, an egg is not cooked.

It is negotiated.

By the third bite, I was no longer afraid.

I had chosen over easy.

The egg had accepted me.

Next time, I may attempt over medium.

Not because I am ready.

Because a warrior must continue his studies in breakfast warfare.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@uiyui_jk That's awesome

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@uiyui_jk @iflitifloat Please visit

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@amylcris Apologies for the flippant reply, meant in humor. As I scrolled through there are a lot of good, realistic, and very achievable options available. I'm humbled by the goodwill and knowledge. Best to you and your son.

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@amylcris Ms Gonzalez, what's the problem?

[SteyrMike @MikeSteyr]

@Allie2026 @Selene_Mariposa

[Selene Mariposa @Selene_Mariposa]

The World Cup has turned America into a discovery channel for the rest of the world.

And they are not handling it well.
In the best possible way.

Here is what they are discovering:

Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.
Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.
Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.
Free chips and salsa before you even order.
Free warm bread with dinner.
Ice in drinks like civilized people.
Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.
Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.
Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.
Ranch dressing by the gallon.
Tex-Mex that cannot be explained only experienced.
Dental care that actually works.
Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.

Then they found the grocery stores.

Five of them within one mile.
Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.
Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at ten in the morning on a Tuesday.

The Germans stood in the meat section for forty five minutes.
In silence.
Processing.

They finally understand why we do not have trains.

We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.
Parking lots the size of small European countries.
Airports in every city worth visiting.

Why would we need trains.

The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.
The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.
The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.
The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.

Welcome to America.
Everything is free, enormous, air conditioned, comes with chips, and has five grocery stores within a mile that will sell you any cut of any animal you have ever imagined.

Write that down. 🦋