Mike Howell

I never hit Num Lock purposely. When I do, it's punishment for misbehaving.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Some of you need to learn about punctuation

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

I'd agree with that if you weren't wrong.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

When you couldn't afford tickets but find a spot see the show from outside.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

When you've had enough drinks to start assessing your most novel ideas about bowling.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

My New Year's resolution is to be more forward thinking.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

At what point in life does it become increasingly easy to get away with saying inappropriate things? It's been a downward slope so far.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

"I find your lack of faith disturbing"

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

No, Internet. Life is a good thing and I don't want to hack it. Let's see some death hacks instead because I don't like the sound of that.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

So you preach the word? On Twitter we call that "stealing tweets" but we do it from different accounts rather than just God.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Is it too early to start saying "Back in my day, we used to pour buckets of ice over ourselves"?

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

SPOILER ALERT

The Revenant is pretty much when Leo is incapacitated in Wolf of Wall Street except it's a bear and not quaaludes.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Once a tweet makes you hear the Benny Hill Show theme in your head it keeps happening over and over again.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Sarah Palin must have just assumed we'd already tweeted everything we can possibly tweet about her a long time ago. She was wrong.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

This responsibility thing is getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure I don't want any of it.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Hold it right there. You need to fill out this eye contact form first.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

*knocks on gates of hell*

Yeah... Hi there! I heard you dismiss christians here. Can I come in and take a look?

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

When you're all pooped after a long knight shift.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Agreed!

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

I can't imagine China has many hipsters.

[Mike Howell @MikeTweetedThat]

Is coffee a soup or a consommé?