Mikey B

fool for sport

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

If spirits and reincarnation exists, you think we get a scorecard every time the universe ends and restarts to see how we did this go around?

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Do what you love and one day you’ll get to watch the looks of horror as you stick your dick in another display pumpkin at Party City because at this point you’ll do anything to gain traction

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

If you ever feel like you’re bad at reading a room, remember that in a suicide awareness song, Logic, after asking “Who can relate?” Shouts “WOO!!” like a white girl who took her first sip of a strong margarita

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Dr. Seuss: One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
3 year old me: ugh my god YES

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

I want college again but with my current salary and less clubbing

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

If the whole Hollywood Adrenochrome thing is real, Jared Leto is definitely a user

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Ah St. Paddy’s Day, the day us Americans celebrate Irish culture by asking for Irish Car Bombs 💚💣🧡 can’t wait for Mother’s Day to ask the bartender for an Unwanted Teen Pregnancy

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Coffee is lowkey cocaine, the 1st sip energy makes you wanna take a 2nd sip, but the 2nd sip doesn’t hit like the 1st so you take a 3rd sip, which hits better than the 2nd but not like the 1st, and now you’re down 17 cups you’ve been up 10 nights and your body is throbbing teehee

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

I’m starting to think selling “Healing Crystals” is just a cute front for a meth dealing operation of middle aged women

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Pick-up artist who doesn’t understand pick-up lines: “aye girl lemme get them slip-ons. The tile floor is quite chilly 😏”

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Pinoccio is horrifying.
First 30 minutes of the movie: “I got no strings to hold me down teehee”
The next hour of the movie: “GET IN YOUR CAGE BOY, IM GONNA USE YOU AS FIREWOOD AND YO DADDYS IN A WHALE”

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

I blame GoDaddy Super Bowl commercials for neck beards and daddy complexes

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

In a porny alternate universe:
Wedding DJ: and now for the
Step-Father Daughter dance 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
*WAP starts playing full blast*

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

I passed a sign on the road that said “why have sex before marriage?” ... the same reason you taste your food before salting it you heathen

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

I was standing in line at a Winn Dixie (think hick Publix with shittier deli meat) and some kid just said to his friend, “You ever think about how cigs are just acoustic juuls?”
Someone get this kid an award or some counseling because Jesus Christ

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

Is it a state wide mandate for road construction to drag ass for 10 years or is that just Jax?

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

@spookypuuta Mantoll Helth 👨🏽‍⚕️

[Mikey B @MikeyBonDaBeat]

If you like salty flavors, and cum is salty, what snack is the line between gay and straight?