Michael Carpenter

I'm a stand up comedian, bit of a feminist and a part time Somali pirate

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

Piers Morgan is a TIT

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

@juniorbooker Barkley fam

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

@juniorbooker out for 3 weeks

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

The Ox :-(

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

The king of Spain has abdicated. Another Juan bites the dust.

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

I never, knew love like this before

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

I'm gonna vote for UKIP because I want more naps throughout the day

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

Today I saw a mechanic sitting on an auto part, drinking a cup of tea.
Think he was on a brake.

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

CrackingUpComedy with @BigTomD @MoTheComedian @DaneBaptweets @KGthaComedian £5 tickets>> https://t.co/gQRUWCAHIB http://t.co/wlGWrhJKh4

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

It's been a while twitter

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

If you need me message me on here

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

LOL

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

The job centre can depress the jolliest of men

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

Stress is not good

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

@JimmyJamesJones @ComedyCafeLDN thanks a lot bro

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

Big up @JimmyJamesJones that is all

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

@Lw808 @EverydaySexism I apologise for the horrible behaviour of some of my gender

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

Samsung phones are pants

[Richard Engel @RichardEngel]

Pussy riot members surrounded by media after release

[Michael Carpenter @Mikey_Carpenter]

@KinsellaMickk94 loooooooool