Mikkel Simons

Actor | Writer | Comedian |
IG: mikkelsimons | 💻:

[𝙼𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚗 𝙳𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚢 @TheMeganDuffy]

Union Strippers have entered the strike chat at Warner Brothers. @WGAWest

[Adam Conover @adamconover]

Solidarity with @MusicNeedsSupes members in their fight for unionization, and many thanks for showing up to support us in the writers strike #WGAStrong #MusicSupervisorEquity

[🕊️🇵🇸🇵🇸🕊️ @LibreEGP]

Even older women are joining the slander 💀💀

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

My creative partner Thomas Ross and I are creating a comedy webseries called "Unusual Company".

Our GoFundMe campaign went live today! 🎉

Check out our GoFundMe page: https://t.co/Qe0zHjUTdy

#IndieFilmmaking #Comedy #UnusualCompany #UnusualCompanyWebseries #ThankYou

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

https://t.co/z3apEh40tO

#LosAngeles #Comedy #StandUp #StandUpComedy

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

It has beocme our identities to work for jobs that do not value us. We make jokes about it to normalize it, but it's not normal. The reality is we share a collective trauma. We need to stop the abuse of under valuing ourselves. We need to start to heal.

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

Credit card companies send me pre-approvals like I don't have an outstanding balance with them. Y'all forget?

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

I spend most of my days deleting emails that will never be opened or cared about.

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

Being an adult is paying the same bills over and over until the end of time.

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

United States: "Hold my beer"🍺

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

My bank just let me know they have increased my wiring limits. I can now send up to $25,000 daily OR up to $75,000 on a 30-day rolling bases! This is great! I'll get on wiring money after I pay off my $8,000 credit card balance I have with them.#ReadTheRoom #KnowYourAudience 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

https://t.co/KinNDzpIP9

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

Whenever I hear an unnecessarily loud car I wonder just how small his penis actually is. 🤏🏻🍆🤷🏼‍♀️
#TinyDickEnergy
#SmallestPeenInTheLand

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

The sudden uptick of vocal GOP support for vaccinations is very welcome but it only highlights how bizarre the absence of it has been!

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

I wonder if @JeffBezos 11 minute trip to space has inspired him to figure out how to market Amazon Prime Light Speed as another way to continue exploiting his workers. 🤔 #TaxTheRich

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

It's nice that all it took for everyone to finally see Jeff Bezos as a villain was the giant schlong rocket he rode into space on. Never mind that long before the girthy space peen the signs were clear. 
#JeffBezos
#SpacePeen
#TheSchlongFromSpace

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

Most Christians favor the dollar or clout of being called Christian then caring about people, which means they ain't following Jesus. If you feel tiggered by this statement then deep down you know that's the truth. Otherwise you wouldn't be having an emotional reaction to it.

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

The Jungle Cruise, Space Jam 2, Cruella...just some of the movies that no one asked for but yet here they are.
#ThatsSoHollywood

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

A four finger handshake isn't a manly handshake. A five finger handshake...now that's manly. #ManLogic
#ThingsMenSay

[Mikkel Simons @MikkelSimons]

I don't know what LA drivers would do without their horns. Maybe actually drive. 🤷🏼‍♀️
#LADrivers
#DrivingInLA