MLC

[Mistress Dividend @mistressdivy]

I'd rather drink the water from a tin of tuna than be asked to share a fun fact about myself as an icebreaker during a team building activity at work.

[Softboy @softboywin]

When someone’s email address isn’t @ gmail it’s like wow you are one interesting chica

[MLC @MindyCaro]

I hope you settle down and I hope you marry rich. And I hope you’re scared of all the ordinary shit.

[Dekunle27 @dekunlz]

I put my Son to bed an hour ago and he just come down and asked me if cats have shoulders

[🌼ᵃⁿᵈᶦ🌼 @kendrandi]

@bugfleur the best sex is the sex that last multiple hours involves no cumming and lots of laughter n fun

[Mira Gonzalez @miragonz]

my dad put a beer in my lunch on april fools day in 4th grade

[𝔩𝔲𝔰 @yungnstackin]

bananas just be in the smoothie whoopin everybody else ass

[MLC @MindyCaro]

😭

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: I can do the Bowie part, but I don't have the upper range to sing the Freddie part.

[MLC @MindyCaro]

No bitch ass pun intended but HOLD THE FUCKIN PHONE

[Sylvian (#1 Skinamarink Fan) @TheAlexSylvian]

wait I just realized The Ring is a fucking pun. you know, because you get a phone call. what the fuck

[staxxx🦅 @papiwontmiss]

Just walked to the grocery store at 10PM and saw a disgruntled father walking out with his teen daughter, who was holding a tri-fold poster board and looked harried. Pray for this family.

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

“as u should” me to my bestie describing a felony

[miia @miiagarro]

i tried laughing like a lady but there's this hyena inside of me

[rain @gears4brekfast]

fish to your head name a gun

[CHANEL MURDER @ChanelMurder]

my type

[Zaynah Bear 🇹🇹 @zaynahbear]

I love having friends that are the same brand of neurodivergent as me because I need you to understand what I mean when I say that I like perfume that smells yellow 😭

[MLC @MindyCaro]

I laughed girl. Cause fuck his plastic eyes why is it named the Chinese tuxedo 😭

[J @verythickvajjjj]

This man showed up to our date with blue contacts can someone call in a bomb threat. I’m at Chinese Tuxedo

[J @verythickvajjjj]

This man showed up to our date with blue contacts can someone call in a bomb threat. I’m at Chinese Tuxedo

[lay @1oflayy]

y’all be actin like y’all too P to say sum hurt your feelings. bitch you hurt me and you will be dealt with

[MLC @MindyCaro]

No place like home, love.

[🍂 @Lovandfear]

“if you’re a writer,
say ‘i miss you’
without writing ‘i miss you’.”