Mirage

Wondering why.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Started this account and I'm not sure why it took me so long to do it. I've been a hard-core #Pokemon nerd for years and years and I've rekindled my love for the main series games in the last few months.

Not sure where this is going but if you come along for the ride... thanks!

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Everything just... feels like a reminder that deep down I'm a terrible person. And everyone I've ever been close to eventually realizes that and leaves... whether they leave silently or loudly. And if I'm at fault for people leaving that means I deserve it doesn't it? 😪😞😰

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Why am I so messed up and can't figure out how to help myself??? Ughhhhhhhhhhhh I deserve everyone pulling away and disappearing like they have. It's always been my fault when things go wrong and I just wish I could make all the static and feelings inside stop...

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

😞

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Yeah this is about to get reset. Fucking stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid idiot me who can't fucking listen and shut down my stupid feelings. Why the fucking hell am I such a scummy friend that I have to ruin everything? Oh wait, because I'm a terrible person. Go figure.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Pissed off at myself for being a stupid attention whore who can't deal with shit alone and wants to know too much. I wish I could just disappear for everyone's sake. I need to.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

I'm sorry I wasn't born normal so I could be around people and not constantly mess things up.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

The realization is finally rocking me that in spite of all the continuous therapy, all the things that have happened and all the things I'm trying so hard to work on...there's going to be some issues I'm always fighting no matter what and that feels like a stake through my heart.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

The reason why I've isolated myself is because it feels like no matter what I do to fight, I'm always going to be too broken for everyone else in my life. Just... I know how messed up my head is. I know I'm exhausting and I know I've messed up and just driven everyone away.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

Not me opening my mouth and being fucking stupid. I would never do that. 🤦

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid me. -tears hair out-

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

I am hopeless. And I don't mean that in a dangerous way. Just realistic.

I apologize for caring more than I should. I wish there was a switch inside that I could just turn off.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

I'm so damn confused... nothing in my life makes a shred of sense right now.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

@AshleyAlt77 You do so much more right than you give yourself credit for, believe me on that. I wish I knew what to say to help most rn. But know that you being here is important to lots of people. And you remind me to keep fighting too.

It's gonna be okay. Even in the storms. Love you 🫂

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

@AshleyAlt77 And there's no shame in that. I know this year hasn't been easy. But you're still standing. And that counts for a lot. Love you and here for you. No matter the storm. 🫂💜

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

🌪😖

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

WHY DOES MY BRAIN DO THIS TO ME? UGHHHHHHHH I FEEL SO USELESS AND BROKEN TO THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

Idk how people put up with me when I'm like this... I hate myself, I know they probably do even worse...

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

I'm sorry for loving everyone too hard.

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

I just want it to stay flat at least for a few days at a time ughhhhhhhh why does my head have to be so screwed up?!?

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

@AshleyAlt77 What's got you feeling that way?

[Mirage @MirageMasterXS]

🖤