miranda

I’ve already hit my peak and it’s all downhill from here

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

The most aggravating noise in the world is the sound of my boyfriend sleeping peacefully while I lay awake with insomnia all night

[cas says free palestine @CrappyFumes]

Pls check your kids’ candy I just found out the chocolate my kid got was toxic

[Laila Em || Art || Smol Birbs @SlightlyCrimson]

Chaotic good

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

Do I check behind the shower curtain every time I go into the bathroom? Yes. Am I prepared to actually fight someone if there happens to be a murderer hiding in the shower? Absolutely not.

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

why ask a store manager for help when I can embarrass myself by walking around the store 4 times for a 1/2 hour looking for one item

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

How is it that I learned the ABCs when I was basically an infant, yet anytime I have to alphabetize something, I HAVE to sing the song

[Lara @garbagebby]

Living rent-free in my head forever

[trash jones @jzux]

men will literally put a 150-year curse on their family instead of carrying madame zeroni up the mountain

[Amy @AmyLeighP]

This is absolutely what I’m looking for in a bathing suit review

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

I’m all for the new trend of making your pantry look pretty by putting your products in cute containers... but what about the cooking directions

[𝓝𝓮𝔀𝓼 Dan Scavino Jr.🇺🇸🦅 @DanScavinoTNews]

Morning! 😊

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

How do I unfollow my feelings

[Nick Viall @NickViall]

Me: “I hate drama.”
Also me when the drama starts:
#TheBachelor

[Tye Winters, DO @tmswDO]

We're not asking for you to shoot them like you shoot us.
We're asking you to NOT shoot us like you don't shoot them.

[Terra 🕷️ @BR0WNSGA]

It’s harder to get in a Trader Joe’s during a pandemic than it is the capitol

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

If you’ve ever partied at Big Red or D-Line, you don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

“she has the personality of a water bottle” - @emmylou220

[miranda @MirandaVanDell]

My tire light turned on so I stopped at a gas station to put air in my tires. I couldn’t get the machine to work so I gave up and left but then my tire light turned off. So that’s just an example of how sometimes your problems go away if you just ignore them.