Miranda Berman

Someday I’ll delete this account and feel whole. Until then, let’s party. Writer: The Mindy Project, Hot Mess Kitchen, love emails to my dad

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Remember “probably just jeans and a top”?

[Kelvin @heykelvinsays]

Literally

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Only comment if you use the words smear or traverse.
Do not comment if you use the word “famously.” #Skyscraperlive

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Replace the #Skyscraperlive commentators with Tom Cruise and Nathan Fielder immediately.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Sage has pages and pages of pregame journals?? Babe, we need the names! Release the Sage files!!

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Loling my head off at how many people I know commented for the dupe of a row sweater from a dupefluencer we all follow. Anyway, vote tomorrow!

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Waiting for a text counts as writing.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Kylo Ren is character, Riley Keough is an actress and Rilo Kiley is a band. They have nothing to do with each other. I have to remind myself of this every morning.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Cut myself lip shaving in my lip wrinkle if any vampires out there wanta taste.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Love to spend Saturday night making my boyfriend watch the This is Me featurette from The Greatest Showman.

[𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐬 @ayaajess]

i will be making this my personality for the next two months

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

In search of homework tutor, for me an adult woman. Ideally vibes similar to my bat mitzvah tutor. Xo

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Where’s the article about Timmy’s relationship with Kylie’s kids? I really believe in them as a couple! He’s always touching her. I need to know more. Please and thank you.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Don’t ask me what to wear to a theme party unless you want me to give up my whole day helping you. That’s kind of my whole deal as a person.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

He was with her tonight.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Also good looking I think

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Hiiiiiii guy

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

Okay, Emilia Perez songwriting couple… very hot.

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

If you don’t want me at my “Get up. We have to go to urgent care now,” then you don’t deserve me at my “Let’s just give it ten more minutes and if it still hurts, we’ll go.”

[Miranda Berman @Mirandapberman]

But is tomorrow really a new day? I feel like it’s just the same. It’s like we get “TBC” chyron at midnight.