Miranda

"She's a trick, I tell you that"

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

It’s 2020 y’all. I ain’t got time for the bullshit.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Two pet peeves:
People who talk to text in public & people who scream when they are on FaceTime

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

I’m tired of boomers coming to work sick. It’s just the icing on top to their selfishness.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

@FatKidDeals Is this deal still active?

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Biggest scam of all is your appointment time at the doctors. God forbid you are two minutes late but the doc will always be 20 minutes late then spend 20 seconds in the room.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

“Portland is so fucking white” random drunk guy

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

@POTUS It’s time to stop giving money to Ukraine & focus our efforts on freeing #BrittneyGriner. This is unreal that you haven’t done anything to help our Olympian.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Throwback to when some girl asked me how I wipe my ass with my nails & my response was “with toilet paper. Why what do you use?” 😘

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Cannot describe how much my anxiety eases when I hear @LeBatardShow.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

I absolutely love sending my baby boomer & Gen X coworkers memes and gifs in emails. They all think I’m a goddamn comedian and it truly has inflated my head.

[Astro Poets @poetastrologers]

Therapist: what if you were enough
Virgo: it’s not realistic

[♆ @planetmari_]

Virgo placements will blow up and cry over something very minor and small, but you can tell them the world is about to end and they’ll have zero concern or reaction

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

@weeeeeeny Got this for Christmas & need to play immediately

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Put in my notice at this toxic ass job and my boss has been pouting with her office door closed since 😂😂😂😂

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Today I said what my boss always says to me whenever I’m 10 minutes late, “rough morning?” So today, in turn, when she was 15 minutes late, I asked her “rough morning?”
Let. Me. Tell. You. The look on that bitch’s face was priceless.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Ladies. Stop going 7 people deep in a stall. This is not efficiency.

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

@MissKellyBellyy @AllettaGentry Am I the only one who isn’t listening?

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

hey @RonMagill, avid @LeBatardShow listener and I have a question. I moved to Pittsburgh & want to see the zoo here but want to make sure they are practicing good zoo practices before patronizing them. Can you confirm?

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

@weeeeeeny #FreeWeeny

[Miranda @Mirannddyy]

Celebrating my one year with my therapist next week! Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. #endthestigma