Gordon

Lawyer. Actor. Writer. Amateur Penis Model. Often mistaken for Batman.

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I follow ripped guys around the grocery store and just buy what they buy

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Whenever I'm in an elevator with someone else I like to break the awkward tension by saying "give me your money."

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I like how Dr. Oz wears scrubs on his show like he may have to fucking operate

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I always enjoy telling people who do CrossFit that I quit 'cause it was too easy

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I go to the library & pretend to be Matthew McConaughey trapped in another dimension

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Whenever I talk to women at the bar I say "That's what's up" after every question I ask them until they walk away

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I guess the punishment for not knowing what we want....

is actually never getting it

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I refuse to believe any reality other than that people are the absolute worst

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I wanna be so successful I burn my mouth on lobster bisque more than I do eating pizza

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Sometimes the road less traveled is just a longer, harder way of getting to the same place as everyone else.

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

It's hard to complain about life when you're eating strawberries and not wearing any pants

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Redbox is dope if you love movies and the thrill of potentially getting mugged

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

It feels good to mean something to someone.

Just make sure you also mean something to yourself.

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

No one knows what they're doing, but only some of us are willing to admit it

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I want to grow middle-aged with you.

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I'm not giving you eye contact because I'm interested in what you're saying; I'm trying to make you explode using my mind

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Maybe it could be just me getting older, but like, I totally get why we use coasters now

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Life is just way too short to be in any situation you don't want to be in, or to be with or around people you don't want to be around

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

I'd take a nap but my hair looks too fucking dope. Naw mean?

[Gordon @MisterBombay]

Sometimes I'll see a beautiful woman at the club and be like "If only she were familiar with my Twitter feed."