Red Shirt Incidents

Survivalist, constant mourner, irreplaceable

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

I want to rip the "how many days without an incident" sign off the friggin wall!

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Sulu: Did you hear? Your entire team made it back in one piece today.
Me: Seriously?
Sulu: Of course not. April Fools!

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Note to staff: After today’s fiasco, family members will no longer be allowed on the same landing party. RIP Pa, Ma, and JR Ferglehorn.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Note to staff: The next person at ceremony who approaches the photon torpedo casing and says, "New funeral, who dis?" will be first up on next landing party.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Went to planet and got stuck in a time loop due to an Atavachron portal. History repeated itself over and over until Captain Kirk found a way out. RIP ten times in a row Pete, Jaydub, Kost, and Hackysack. #tentimestheheartache

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

I’m dissapointed they all broke their New Years resolutions so soon. Their resolution? To survive. RIP Frantz, Edna, Diego, and Ticklefoot.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Sulu: A toast - here's to never knowing what tomorrow will bring. Except for Mitch, he knows.
Me: Happy New Year to you too jerk!

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Celebrated Uhura's birthday today. When she saw me she said, "I bet none of your staff have ever seen this many candles on a cake before." Et tu Uhura? Happy Birthday anyway.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

I don’t know where that Klingon came from, but sad that cadet’s last holiday wish to coworker came out as, “Feliz Navidaaaaaaarrrgggg!” RIP Picasso

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

For today’s service the family asked that in lieu of flowers you instead kick me in the shins. RIP Jinglehorn #whatdidIdo

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Note to staff: anyone who asks for ‘hope’ this year on Secret Santa profile will automatically get a sweater as default gift.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Note to staff: our annual blood drive is coming up. If Spock is the only one who shows up again this year it doesn’t really help us.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

We finally survived a landing party but not the holiday potluck? McCoy, haven’t we cured peanut allergies yet? RIP Emma, Jane, Milton, and Honeystick.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Sulu: I'm surprised your staff doesn't have PRE-traumatic stress disorder.
Me: I'll be speaking to the captain.
Me:...
Me: Wait, is that really a thing?

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

HR informed me there are over 500 red shirts in the lost and found area. I’m beginning to think staff isn’t just ‘losing’ them. Come on people, own it.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Note to staff: if you attempt to use an Andorian’s head as a coat rack they will stab you. RIP Wafflehutt.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

After last year’s debacle, Gorn eggs are strictly prohibited as gifts during this year’s secret Santa. In memoriam: Munn, Lora, Alemond, and Cuddlemunch.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Sulu: Would you say you work for the Federation, or would it be more like the ‘Deaderation?’
Me: I’ll be talking to the Captain!

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

I was recently given an award for best eulogy. When I asked for which one I was told 73-75. I'm honored?

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

We beamed down to a place called the Valley of the Shadow of Death, what did you think was going to happen? RIP Alynna, Heinichen, Nate, and Timbuktoo.

[Red Shirt Incidents @MitchRedShirt]

Wow, they boldly went where too many have gone before. RIP Frantz, Tug, Zell, and Lemongello.