Mitchum

Tweets from an armpit.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

Giving the #coldshoulder is one thing, but you don’t even wanna know about the cold armpit.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

It’s not even the fact that Left Pit rarely does the dishes… it’s that he NEVER puts them away after I do them. #RoommateDrama

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

#YouKnowILoveYouWhen I comment on how you smell.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

#ThrowYourHandsInTheAir And wave ‘em like you just don’t care! And I don’t! I don’t care!!!!

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

#WeAllHaveTried wearing the same thing two days in a row. Who cares as long as you smell good? It’s about efficiency.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

You think butt dialing is a problem? Bet you don’t even realize how often you unknowingly make a phone call with your armpit.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

I’m a hugger. #HugMe

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

LAX>MIA>PIT

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

You know what’s a surprisingly good place to meet other pits? Subways. We’re all just hanging there in each others’ faces…

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

PIT>MIA>LAX

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

I don’t even worry about sexy vampires because: A. Their charms don’t work on me. B. You know armpits ain’t got no neck. #noneck

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

Crutches hurt my face.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

I finally watched that dancing show last night. Those costumes! Total pit fest! Now I see why it’s such a hit.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

Why can’t people tickle themselves?

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

Armpit #haiku. Ahem. So misunderstood / The sweet sweat and flowing hair / It’s only natural. What do you want? Keats? I’m an armpit.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

I’m starting a campaign to change “pitiful” into a positive adjective. As in: “Great job, man. That was pitiful!”

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

After a certain age, you realize certain dreams will never come true. Like playing pit stop for the red birds in the #worldseries.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

Feeling like people would take me more seriously if I went by my given name: Axilla. #fancy #ItsLatin #ThoughtYouShouldKnow

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

#Joke! Q: Where did the toupee-wearing man keep all his hair? A: In pits and pieces.

[Mitchum @MitchumTM]

#WhoeverIMarry . . . well, they'll be someone's armpit. That much I know.