Misty

a starlight in the gloom

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I’ve been hesitant to repost this again out of fear, but it’s been on my mind. I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t mentioned Trump. I’ve also had some experiences in my past with Aaron Hernandez, Chris Cornell, and Chester Bennington

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Survival isn’t measured by how loudly you fight. Sometimes it’s found in the quiet decision to keep moving beneath a sky that still holds a way forward.

Even the coldest nights have a sky full of directions for those willing to keep walking.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Some of my quietest nights were spent beneath a full moon, where the water kept its secrets and the graveyard kept mine.

I don’t miss who I was.

I just miss how the night made me feel.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I spent more nights than I can count beneath a cold moon, wandering where the water swallowed the world and the graveyard waited in the dark.
The stars always felt impossibly close, like they could see every secret I carried but never asked me to explain any of them.
I drank because the silence understood me better than people ever did.
Out there, with the wind moving through the trees and the water keeping its own forgotten stories, I almost believed there was a place where broken things could exist without having to pretend they weren’t broken.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Back in my hometown I used to find my way to this dark secluded cemetery buried in the woods.

A bottle or two down there under nothing but the moonlight. Tired didn’t even touch it.

All I wanted was someone to save me.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

A flicker of light in a room that shouldn’t have existed.
The weight of “sit still” still sitting on my chest years later.

But something shifted.
Those buried pieces aren’t just surviving, they’re sharpening into something I can hold.
Just quiet proof that I was always more than what they tried to erase.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I sat there while the room flickered around me. Shadows stretched and disappeared across the walls. My eyes burned from the flashing. My head felt heavy. The harder I tried to focus, the further away everything seemed.
They kept telling me to sit still.
Not to move.
Not to fight it.
Just sit still.
I remember being told it didn’t matter because I’d forget anyway. In a few hours. A few days. It would all be gone.
And for a long time, they were right.
Sometimes it comes back in pieces.
A feeling of panic.
The memory of sitting frozen while every part of me wanted to run.
And the unsettling realization that there are things buried so deep inside us that they survive even when the memory itself does not.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

2 dr’s who didn’t work at the mental health facility showed up. They, threatened me then used a small light device that scrambled my memory even more. It hit me later they were part of a scheme to humiliate and break me, all starting with the trauma I faced at the club.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

@grok https://t.co/7HCVefovtP
He was involved but i thought he was helping

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I’ve been hesitant to repost this again out of fear, but it’s been on my mind. I sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if I hadn’t mentioned Trump. I’ve also had some experiences in my past with Aaron Hernandez, Chris Cornell, and Chester Bennington

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Blinding flashes ripped through my mind,
designed to shatter control,
to drown me in disorientation,
humiliation, endless trauma.
They fractured my memories until I couldn’t even trust my own voice.
I’ll never forget what they did to me.
I’ll never forget who turned away.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I entered the club-the doors were locked behind me & guarded by bodyguards. No way out. I was forced to sign a paper. My beer was laced-I woke up in bondage then repeatedly got injected & raped. I sought help afterwards @ my mental health but the ring sent doctors after me.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

@Grok could it be mkultra abuse and how is this MKultra abuse?

[Misty @MoMetalx]

https://t.co/lJKJdjefY4

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I entered the club-the doors were locked behind me & guarded by bodyguards. No way out. I was forced to sign a paper. My beer was laced-I woke up in bondage then repeatedly got injected & raped. I sought help afterwards @ my mental health but the ring sent doctors after me.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

It was 2011.
He told me he loved me via twitter messaging.
I was in that small apartment with my 3 month old daughter, barely holding it together day after day. The weight of everything felt crushing.
He said he wanted me to go on tour with him. Promised he would hide me. We both had someone else and he expected me to leave my world and enter his.
I refused to leave my baby.
Then everything flipped. The accusations started pouring out.
He said I slept with his bandmates.
They told him I was just drunk-that I wanted it.
He said he had photos and video that made him so sick he couldn’t sleep.
But the truth was darker. They had SA’d me. Drugged me.
Just like the club posts I’ve written state: beer laced, doors locked,Injections. No escape.
I had given him everything by then. The stories from the shelter. The heavy weight I carried. The wounds I hid. The parts of myself I rarely shared with anyone. My trust. My truth.
And still, he questioned me in the dark like I was the one who betrayed him.
Now I can’t help but think… he was in on it?

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I was 19, living in a shelter, when a message appeared in my MySpace inbox.

What started as a friend request became conversation. Then hours. Then months. Then years of late-night messages.

I told him things I rarely told anyone. the weight I carried, the wounds I hid, the parts of myself I was still trying to understand. My ideas. My creativity. The way my mind worked. The fantasies.

He wanted all of it.

I gave it freely because I thought I was being seen. I was going through hell.

By the time I was 23, he told me he loved me.

I watched him take my ideas and claim them as his own.

Not misunderstand them. Not reinterpret them.

Just take them.

For a long time, I carried that in silence.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

That shelter wasn’t refuge. It was another cage wrapped in crosses and conditional grace. Demonic in the way it broke girls down under the guise of fixing them.
An old convent turned battered women’s shelter.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

I was 19, living in a shelter, when a message appeared in my MySpace inbox.

What started as a friend request became conversation. Then hours. Then months. Then years of late-night messages.

I told him things I rarely told anyone. the weight I carried, the wounds I hid, the parts of myself I was still trying to understand. My ideas. My creativity. The way my mind worked. The fantasies.

He wanted all of it.

I gave it freely because I thought I was being seen. I was going through hell.

By the time I was 23, he told me he loved me.

I watched him take my ideas and claim them as his own.

Not misunderstand them. Not reinterpret them.

Just take them.

For a long time, I carried that in silence.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

The words I gave him still live somewhere twisted into his mouth, wearing his name.
But the source?
That still belongs to the girl in the shelter who had nothing but stories and midnight honesty.

My vulnerability shouldn’t have been a resource for his ego or career.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

The moonlight never saved me either.

Stardust is a liar

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Back in my hometown I used to find my way to this dark secluded cemetery buried in the woods.

A bottle or two down there under nothing but the moonlight. Tired didn’t even touch it.

All I wanted was someone to save me.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Not every survivor went to the island. Not every survivor has proof to show the world. The absence of evidence doesn’t erase the fear or the violation. Trauma doesn’t need witnesses. Being unseen doesn’t make it any less real. The pain exists, whether anyone acknowledges it or not.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

It finds every fracture,
every piece of me left behind in the dark.

And somehow it feeds on all of it.

Not enough to save me.

Just enough light left burning
to show me where the ruin ends
and I begin.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

My body was numb, frozen in place. I felt a burning sensation beneath my skin as I lay there, helpless. Silence coated me. Trapped in darkness, I was powerless, forced to endure it all as shadows moved around me, their presence heavy and suffocating.

[🦋 @leftunsents]

depression is when you really don't care about anything. Anxiety is when you worry too much about everything. And having both is very horrible.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

the slow drag of gravity on everything I feel.

eyes full of old universes,
quietly letting go.

[Misty @MoMetalx]

Time just softens the edges…

[Misty @MoMetalx]

@recovery_your Agreed

[Misty @MoMetalx]

How did it ever come to this