Modern Cynical Dad

A modern man with a rather honest view on fatherhood.

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

I asked my 3YO how many people it takes to change a lightbulb:

Lights don't wear clothes, Daddy!

Again, solid logic.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Parents:

Is your child 'playing up'? Do you have to cope with troublesome water leaks and embarrassing breakdowns?

According to the Consumer Rights Act 2015 you may be entitled to a refund!

Take your receipt to your local delivery centre to find out if you can claim!

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

4: Daddy, why do you go to work all the time?

Me: To earn money. I get paid to look after lots of people.

4: Oh. I think...I'll get paid to play with lots of toys.

#lifegoals

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

My 4YO has been talking about "The Boobieman" this evening.

I hope she's just misquoting. If not, I've got some enquiries to make.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

4YO walks in with a large wrapped present:

Happy Birthday, Daddy! It's a coat.

I don't think we've quite mastered the art of gift giving just yet.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Practising word sounds with my 4YO:

Me: What does "stutter" begin with?

4: St-St-St-Stutter!

She can't understand why it's so funny.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

There are some things as a parent you simply never expect to see.

Like walking in to find your 4YO making the bed rather than jumping on it.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Parenting treat number 136:

Hearing your baby make a noise, then watch them look around surprised as if it was someone else.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

3YO spotting scary Halloween decorations as we drove past in the car:

Ahh! A pumpkin!

Ahh! A skeleton!

ARGH! Number 6!

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

3: When Mummy comes home from work, we can do something fun and then we can go to bed!

Life goals.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

How you make a baby according my 3YO:

You eat lots and your tummy gets big and you eat more and more until the baby comes. Easy.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

When does Santa come?

3: At Christmas!

When does Easter Bunny come?

3: At Easter!

When does the Sandman come?

3: When there's no sand.

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Asked my 3YO what her aunt looks like.

3: She's got a necklace and a cat bed and she wears some clothes.

Mystery solved!

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Bought an ice cube tray today but didn't read the usage instructions.

Luckily it says 'Freezer Safe'.

Think I dodged a bullet there.

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Sometimes in life there is no right answer, you just have to pick a side.

Like when 3YO mards because I won't buy her more fruit?

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Wife: Should we take her for an eye test?

*3YO spots toy through two parked cars, sixteen people & a brick wall*

Me: She's fine.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Walking under a low bridge.

3: Oh! It makes gecko noises!

Me: What noise does a gecko make?

3: Gecko! Gecko!

She meant echo.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

My 3YO was telling me how one of her friends isn't nice to another.

Me: Well that's no good is it?

3: No, that's bad behaviour!

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

It's amazing what kids pick up. My 3YO was telling me her favourite superhero is Ironman...though she's never actually seen him.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

Lying is an important part of a child's development and helps with social interaction later on.

Lying down helps me do the same.

#dadlife

[Modern Cynical Dad @ModernCynical]

One of the best things about being a Dad: Telling your child old jokes for the first time. They think you're spinning comedy gold!

#dadlife