21st Century Jokes

Classic jokes with a modern twist.

[21st Century Jokes @ModernJokes]

Scientists have observed that when one pizza delivery guy falls over, several others also fall over. This is known as the domino's effect.

[Paul Rigby @PaulRigbywrites]

Those dogs walkers will freeze anything…
.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

“Can we go home now?” asked Piglet.
“No,” said Pooh. “Not till we’ve reached 10,000 steps”
.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

After three hours, Pooh was beginning to regret swiping right…
.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

In Which Pooh Goes to a Hipster Cafe for Lunch…

.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

Pooh wasn’t completely happy about this but he knew it was the only way to prove for certain that Piglet wasn’t a witch…

.

[Paul Rigby @PaulRigbywrites]

Not saying I’ve written a script
Also not saying I haven’t.
Merry Christmas!

[Paul Rigby @PaulRigbywrites]

All sorts of possibilities for a truly tragic Yuletide back then. And now I see a retired Basil as an utterly obnoxious guest in the newly-acquired hotel…
@bbccomedy @JohnCleese

[Paul Rigby @PaulRigbywrites]

At this time of year, I always wish @JohnCleese, Connie Booth etc had made a Fawlty Towers Christmas special. I think it would’ve been something pretty special.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

“Seriously?” said Pooh. “A marmalade sandwich?”
“I’m sorry,” said Christopher Robin. “You all look the same to me…”

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

Bump! Bump! Bump! went Pooh’s head on the stairs as he realised Christopher Robin had spiked his honey.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

“I can’t wait for Christopher Robin’s Christmas party!” said Piglet, jumping up and down with excitement. “I hope it’s as much fun as last year’s!”
“Shhhh!” said Pooh, grabbing Piglet’s tiny pink shoulders. “He told us not to talk about that!”

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

Things had changed a lot since the old days. The 100 Acre Wood was now the 100 Acre City -
Eeyore was now an in-demand motivational speaker, Tigger was CEO of a successful mindfulness and tantric yoga company and Owl ran a bar called Hooters.

[Pooh Happens @Pooh_2022]

“That was delicious!” said Piglet, licking his plate. “Even better than haycorns! What is it called?”
“Er, I think it’s called pulled pork,” replied Pooh.
“Ooh, what’s that?” asked Piglet.
“Never mind,” said Pooh, sliding the menu under his seat.

[Paul Rigby @PaulRigbywrites]

The 7 Deadly Twitter Sins

1 Being offended on behalf of someone else
2 Pretending to care about a total stranger’s problems
3 Using phrases you’d never use in real life (familiar much?)
4 Telling someone you’re unfollowing
5 Tweeting while drunk
6 Tweeting while sober
7 Caturday

[DJPaterson 💙 @djpaterson]

This is brilliant - with a more than a few *spit your coffee* funny bits.

[Na'a @NaaMurad]

Probably the best Fan Fiction you’ll ever read. Rowling must be fuming she didn’t think of it first.
Enjoy!

[Don't Do That Donald @DontDoItDonald]

DON’T DO THAT, DONALD!
The Story So Far - a Thread

(To support this fully illustrated, satirical story of a very naughty, very orange little boy, please check this link, thank you!)
https://t.co/Eqcmiwso8a

[The Da Vinci Virus @TheDaVinciVirus]

Chapter 3

Langdon, 51, ran quickly out of his Harvard professor’s office onto the sun-soaked sidewalk next to the road.
“Taxi to the airport!” he yelled, waving his strong manly arm in the air.
But there was no taxi.
No traffic.
No people.
Except for one.

A giant albino nun.

[The Da Vinci Virus @TheDaVinciVirus]

Chapter 2

“There’s a global pandemic? You need my help? I’m on my way!”
Robert Langdon, 49, hurriedly pulled on his tweed jacket and checked his watch.
The small hand was pointing to seven and the big hand was pointing to . .
“Oh my God” he said “It’s twenty-five to Apocalypse!”

[The Da Vinci Virus @TheDaVinciVirus]

Chapter One

The phone rang.
Strong-jawed, grey-eyed Professor of Viral Symbology at Harvard University, Robert Langdon, 52, picked up the receiver with a manly right hand and answered it.
“Langdon,” he said, handsomely. “What’s the problem?”