Don’t borrow shame from the past. You are really not that person anymore and you simply didn't know better. No reason to beat yourself up for it. All you can do is do better.
Once you grow up, you realize you don’t want to be crazy in love, you want to be calm in love, patient in love, understand in love, and safe in love. your partner should give you peace of mind and reassurance, not constant little heart attacks and high anxiety.
I stayed with a man who was half ready. I hoped. I waited. I extended grace. I tried to meet him where he was instead of honoring where I was. Over time, his lack of readiness pulled me out of my character. I became reactive. I became hardened. I started responding in ways that were not aligned with who I am. That is what misalignment does. It erodes you.
my father always told me: "if you want to go for a run, go for a run, don't look for company. sooner or later, on your fifth run or your twentieth, likeminded people will find you themselves." and only recently have I realized that this principle works everywhere.