Mon Mendo

I joined Twitter to catolog cynical, sarcastic jokes because this stuff can't just sit in my head all day with no way out.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

Anytime I see a person with a face tattoo.
"Um excuse me. U have a little something there on your face."
They start wiping clean.
Then I laugh and laugh and laugh.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

I don't ever use my turn signals when I drive. Why? Because. U Don't ever let em see your next move coming. #RealTalk

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

The airport announcement said, "Human trafficking does not discriminate. Anyone can fall prey..."
And that is absolutely not true. This guy in front of me will never be taken... not even for his kidneys.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

The MET Gala is a cynical circus. Money is fundraised while money is simultaneously burned for attention. Unserious wealth is flaunted. Garbage outfits proving that money becomes trash once you have a certain abundant amount in your claws.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

We have this period in life sets us free. It starts as a teen & we really master our control in our 20's.

"Is it a shit or is it a fart?"

And suddenly u lose the bodily powers to make the right choice. The miracle is over & we all have to learn this in the most awkward way.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@dom_lucre Soooo I guess Mexico can say that the United States is sending their worst. Drug dealers and murderers. Who woulda thought that the USA breeds criminals?

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@JoeA_NFL An inadvertent whistle is the ending you desire? A ref that blows the whistle too early is a mistake that should never determine the game and division.

The replay and refs interpretation was the fair and correct decision.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@mrmikeMTL U.S healthcare debt and bankruptcy.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

This is absolutely American culture.
This is US assimilation.
American hustle.
Entrepreneurial spirit.
Capitalism.
Open market demand.
No govt social hand outs.
Pull yourself up from your boot straps.
Out work the competition.
Build a brand.

@WallStreetApes 💩's in their hands.

[Wall Street Apes @WallStreetApes]

A vehicle drives through Miami Florida with a megaphone yelling 100% in Spanish that she’s selling tamales

What other country would allow their own culture to be wiped out and replaced by foreigners who do things like this….

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

This guy really said Europe became the greatest civilization by hanging criminals for centuries until criminal genes were weeded out.

So you're saying if we start now, I'll be able to live in a paradise civilization in about 200 years. I literally can't wait to enjoy paradise.

[Will Tanner @Will_Tanner_1]

If you just hang criminals, this doesn’t happen

Europe became the greatest civilization ever seen by hanging criminals for centuries, executing 1-2% of each generation until doing such became unnecessary because the crime genes had been weeded out

As a result, they could focus on empire building and high civilization rather than forever paying the EBT Danegeld to a hostile and irrationally violent underclass

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

The attire is being questioned, but neither should be. One outfit is cultural. The other outfit was fit the mood of grief and the defense of an invasion.

You're argument is financial. Both are investments for the U.S. One investment just leans way more into the Trump pockets.

[Terrence K. Williams @w_terrence]

Let me be very clear since y’all really don’t know the difference.

Zelensky showed up in Washington begging for billions in U.S. taxpayer money and couldn’t even put on a suit.
He came here asking for something.

The Saudi Crown Prince showed up announcing over ONE TRILLION DOLLARS in investment into the United States — and he wore his cultural attire, which is the equivalent of a suit in his country.
He came here bringing something.

There’s a difference between a man asking America for money…
and a man bringing America money.

But keep pretending you don’t understand

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

If illegals leave then these dumb asses can finally compete for homes. Lol. Apparently illegal immigrants are out-working and out-buying homes from real US citizens.

You should be ashamed if you blame non-English speaking immigrants for having more skills, effort, and hustle.

[Skeptophilus 🧐 @Skeptophilus]

@Jim_Jordan If a bag of potatoes cost $5, you saved 10¢ to 15¢.

A turkey being $25, you saved 50¢ to 75¢.

If Illegals get out of our country and we quit bringing in more migrants, we can save THOUSANDS on the cost of homes and taxes.

There is work to be done.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

Lol. Your $300 Thanksgiving grocery bill is now $294.

You saved $6. Go buy a 40 Oz of beer and kiss the heavens.

[Rep. Jim Jordan @Jim_Jordan]

Thanksgiving will be more affordable this year.

Thank you, President Trump!

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@GuntherEagleman "If I say dumb shit, my fuhk brained followers will howl like hyenas."

People wish for things not in their life. Why would u wish 4 something sitting in your lap? Trump won. No switch required.

If u're an idiot, Gunther stroked ur dead brain into an erection.

[Gunther Eagleman™ @GuntherEagleman]

I have been approached by hundreds of Kamala voters that are regretting their vote for her and wished they had voted for Trump.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

There is already a full investigation on Epstein. It collected info & connected participants.

Are we going to play preschool to pretend? Let's act like Trump is making a new request. Let's act like Democratic leaders are the only oily stains.

MD = Munchausen Disorder

[🇺🇸 Mike Davis 🇺🇸 @mrddmia]

Dear Democrats:

You want Epstein?

You get Epstein.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

Stephen is missing a promise. The Republican Party and President Trump promised to release the Epstein Files. Then they did the same thing that the last admin did... back burner that shit.

A. Smith is a pandering millionaire. He didn't forget the people. He don't give a fuh

[Defiant L’s @DefiantLs]

Stephen A. Smith: "The Epstein Files were in existence and free to have been open during the Biden Administration! You were there for 4 years! How come you didn't open it as a Democratic party then!? What am I missing!?"

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

This guy... "my train..." Gather better control on the access to your train Mr. Vanderbilt. There are over 7 thousand languages and he just craves one English speaker to share racist ideas with. I'm sure you will find some company on broken Twitter.

[John Goddard @nonestlex]

I don't recognise the language being spoken on my train anymore.

Not a single conversation in English for 40 minutes.

I look around and realise I'm the foreigner now.

In my own country. On the train line I grew up on.

And if I mention this, I'm the problem.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

Watching Voight in Anaconda... "They're just little babies..." was the worst thing ever. I was shocked to eventually find out he is a Best Actor Oscar Award winner.

Watch his role in Anaconda and you'll never trust his judgment on his own profession. Dis fuhk dont know shii

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

Actor Jon Voight calls on Trump to “terminate immediately” the mayoralty of Mamdani because he’s going to turn NYC into “a forbidden place of darkness” and a “refugee shelter for the radical Muslim ideology.”

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@BobbyTheBanker If this series goes to game 7, the relief rotation must only use starting pitchers. Glasnow, Snell, Yamamoto, Ohtani should be the only guys allowed to see the mound.

[Mon Mendo @Mon_Mendo]

@badhombre He took the golden goose and made billionaires of himself & family thru the POTUS. You must have narrow vision if you can't imagine an old greedy Scrooge scheming this power grab.