Monica Staahl

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/XjHtq32bL7 Never assume anything but the position.

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die http://t.co/dPersnncNk

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/bQGZln44pI Ceilings were just ambitious walls.

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says". http://t.co/wl5bT1pdfr

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/Opz0m67Hqf It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/YkdnYgAN4B

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/tGUKZDlIaC

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/JI74bK1Ew9

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/MKg0NfoWpO

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking? http://t.co/44cliEw1

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/EeK3rWvO You see, son, when two girls love each other very much and they have a cup...

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/YHRGRVQo If I didn't have to pee, I'd probably never get out of bed.

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

When you watch Jersey Shore, Darwin cries. http://t.co/6S9eEwT1

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

I'm eating for six, according to the serving size on every single package of everything ever. http://t.co/kKNsxGWw

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/PB6trUmI "Good to sea you" is a hilarious thing to say when shoving someone off a cruise ship.

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

http://t.co/tc5E266e Black children never know the joy of finding their name in a personalized keychain display.

[Monica Staahl @MoniqueSteel]

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