Monkey in a Dress

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

[In closet trying to figure out what to wear]

Alexa, what does a dragon slayer wear?

[Bob Heller @Bob_Heller]

Name your favorite rinds. Mine’s pork.

[SavoirFail 🇺🇦 @SavoirFail]

Old Dog , no tricks.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

I'm at my coolest when I'm vaping while wearing my retainers.

[The Vanilla Gorilla 🦍 @LuckyFrog44]

I just went viral on LinkedIn. Does that count?

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

Chime: "Get paid up to two days early."

Don't people know this only potentially happens once and then just like before, that's your same pay day every week?

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

If I was from Boston, I'd add Rs to every word that doesn't contain an R.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

...when you're child tells you not to worry about their finances, then the next day asks for money.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

I don't get this "Tiny House" living. All of my plants alone wouldn't fit in a "Tiny House."

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

Appears there were too many people that read the book "Teeny-Tiny Woman" as a child and decided to build teeny-tiny houses as an adult. That book was fiction, just so you know.

[Jonny Kooler @JonnyKooler]

Looking at me is a good way
to feel better about yourself!

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Never trust anyone who needs blackout shades to take a nap.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

Why do people that build a "tiny house" buy so much acreage?

[SavoirFail 🇺🇦 @SavoirFail]

I don’t think I’ve thought this through.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

No thank you, Homescapes. If I wanted to try to save, feed, and shelter people, I would've had more children.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

"I mean no disrespect."

~People who are clearly disrespecting you.

[Monkey in a Dress @MonkeyinaDress]

PSA: Apparently if you live within 5 miles or less of any delivery place, you're not in their service area.

[Alex Guerin @hamspamtymaam]

“I’m in love with the shape of you.”

- me eating pears

[Alex Guerin @hamspamtymaam]

About to drink a fifth of a 5 Hour Energy because I only need one hour of energy