Soda not Pop

Always striving to do beter 😔

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Today I told an Italian man that I ate pineapple on pizza and watched as the light drained from his eyes

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Did you know that roosters have no penis? Well how do they have sex? Each rooster and hen have one (1) hole and they briefly TOUCH THE HOLES TOGETHER in an act disturbingly known as the “cloacal kiss.”

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

The sexual tension between me and the cafeteria lady who gave me the entire pitcher of water instead of just the glass. That woman knows what I want.

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

@shelbyikes Wait no! Some of us didn’t have frog-themed bathrooms like you! Frogless children deserve the chance to become frog adults 😔

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

My dad getting the COVID vaccine at the hospital where he works. 🎉

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

@crocfanpage Which restaurant did you go to? Ethiopian food has been my family’s absolute favorite thing for like a year and we need to add to the repertoire!

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

I love Biology because the bar for humor is so low.
Last lab while finding galls on goldenrods we saw a milkweed plant. I said “Wow! Milkweed in a homogenous goldenrod community? I find that rather GALLING!”
This was my worst joke to date.
My teacher laughed for 2 minutes.

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Aesthetic pictures of the minion perched in the windowsill on the 3rd floor of the Wesleyan science building

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Me: Wow this seems really important. I should probably pay attention.

My brain: Livin’ La Vida Loca - Spanish Version (10 hours)

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Got told I look like Roxanne from Megamind and while I am disappointed, I am not surprised

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Oh you’re a Les Mis fan? No way, me too! My facorite characters are uh... Corset and Epipen

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

The year is 2041. Survivors roam in small bands, ever-distrustful of outsiders. Hidden in the forest, I chop leeks for my nightly weed soup. My hand slips and I cut myself. I look down in horror. I am cake.

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

People who make gardenscape foccacias have so much power

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Today mom called a family meeting solely to show us bland crockpot recipes and make us mock them.

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

Roses are red
Ponzi was a con
I am hungry. Your food?
Gone

[aidan ツ @getlaidan]

dawg ??

[Soda not Pop @MosherSophie]

How Omaha drivers read road signals

[Luke John Davies 🇬🇧🌹🇺🇦 @LJDLabour]

The government used the same font as Cards Against Humanity for the Coronavirus mailing....

[olivia ! (she/her/hers) @oliviamadeline_]

“we need to have a shrek family marathon!” - my mother. clearly quarantine is getting to her.