Ben Bernard

Master of Mirth!

This is now a "holding" account and unlikely to be updated in the future. Thank you for following, your support has been appreciated.

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, one year I set m'sen the task of reading every book by Anne, Charlotte and Emily Brontë. I know some folks think I'm a bit of a dinosaur, but even I found their prose a little tricky to navigate, until I discovered a brilliant, helpful dictionary: it was a Brontësaurus

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

@TheBluetones Ooh! Nice to see some gentlemen with a decent dress sense. I (at)tire of the boring clothes folks wear these days... Keep on rockin' lads!

[Tish Tushington @tishtushington]

It seems an awf'lly long time since one's last broadcast, but...ONE'S BACK! Tune in for the latest news from Tushington Hall. https://t.co/W0IKPiTxA6 @RnPnC

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

@TheresaC16 Cemetery Detached?

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

@PastPostcard Eeh, good crowds at Skeggy! They only chucked fresh fruit, shows a bit of class.

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Ooh, apparently Martians have landed near a mainline London railway station! Euston, we have a problem!

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

@GeoffMotley @RichardAUsher Eeh, tin cans? You sayin' I'm a has-bean? Has...been...beans...means. Ooh, pardon me... Aye, tis about time I updated my tech. If only Tony Tatting, Jr would land me a well paid gig I could blow the budget at 'We Still Sell It'. Carboot Colin has a few Commodores 64's around.

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Twas the day before "the night before Christmas" and all through the town, not a creature was stress-free, not even a clown... Eeh, relax...there's an art to last minute #ChristmasShopping - learn some tips in my latest #Podcast:

https://t.co/1kt8gOjiu4

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, when you start your day at the dentist it can only get better...can't it? Only routine, but why do my teeth itch? Why are my gums retreating faster than a vegan from a BBQ? I blame my manager, Tony Tatting Jr.'s hypochondria, it must be catching...

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Is there an #election due? Lots of dogs barking, so must mean canvassing - but why in the daytime when most folks are at work? Given the mess they've all made, happen they reckon most folks are out of work! Eeh, well, worry not, here's my latest podcast:

https://t.co/TooTA9FE9q

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Are you a dog, or a cat person? I like both, but they don't always like me. I was once bitten by a gerbil who took against my singing. Everything's a critic! Hear how our Barry got on when he started walking dogs for a living, all in my latest podcast:

https://t.co/U2iG1HgIrM

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, hasn't it been a bit drizzly of late? I know some folks who go on about the "miserable weather". But its the only weather we've got, so we'd be better make the best of it! Why not forget the weather and have a chuckle with my latest podcast?

https://t.co/YjidMVQZos

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, now that #ElectionFever is about to grip the nation once more I reckon it might be time to dig out the old "beware of the dog" sign and looping dog bark and snarling sound effects tape, perfect for cold callers! Meanwhile, here's the latest podcast:

https://t.co/pOaF6o1fiv

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Have you met Ben Bernard, the self-styled “Master of Mirth”? His dodgy agent describes him as Lincolnshire's "premiere stand-up comedian". His wife Delia describes him as...well, that's probably not for polite folk… https://t.co/kuar7oiHiN

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

I've been struck down by the #CleethorpesHack - a cough, not a dodgy journalist creating #fakenews for the local paper! I've noticed that @realDonaldTrump never seems beset by cold and flu. I wonder how he avoids germs and bugs with all the folk he meets?

https://t.co/2ZKIvvENwk

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Been dodging the showers of late? You a Kagool or Pac-A-Mac type? Do you carry a spring-loaded brolly? Or do you trust that Tomasz Shake'n'Vacca bloke and his trendy forecasts? Delia's a big fan. Any road, join me at #WeStillSellIt for my latest podcast:

https://t.co/yjRuw1MN2Q

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

To quote Joseph Conrad (get me with me literary references!): "It’s only those who do nothing that make no mistakes." According to Delia I must be really busy! Any road, there's no mistaking the fact that its Monday, so there's new podcast to listen to:

https://t.co/VMJSCFqNXE

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Me and my pals can't get used to these #hashtags. After #MetalElfDay we're told today's #TrendingNow is #GoingOutDay and summat to do with rainbows. So three of us decided to go to the pub dressed as Rod, Jane & Freddy...with a picnic hamper. By heck do we feel daft.

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, more rain forecast! Well, of course there is, #HullFair is in full swing. Nowt like soggy candyfloss and a steaming cagoule as you dodge the puddles of puke near the #waltzers. Aye well, I look back at all things amusements in my latest podcast:

https://t.co/CpiDqbdOLz

[Ben Bernard @MrBenBernard]

Eeh, 20 chuffin years and I’m still not famous...amateurs! Ooh, the fighters!

[richardausher @RichardAUsher]

October has arrived, which means I can commemorate the 20th anniversary of the #MasterOfMirth @MrBenBernard! I can scarcely believe it is two decades since @speed_paul, #IanBurnett and I filmed the pilot short in #Cleethorpes!
https://t.co/wLCvmINich