Mr. El Matador

You had me at: I'm calling the police.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

I feel pumped going to the gym with this kind of motivation. #pizzarat
https://t.co/MEXKZD43cq

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

My spirit animal would be a #VeganRat.

#pizzarat

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

#TrueStory

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Are we still doing jokes about cargo pants and Walmart people?

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

They see me rollin'

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Only a small portion of people think I'm an asshole. The rest doesn't know me yet.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

We might need more therapy.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Coffee and Xanax, breakfast of champions.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

"I have been complete honest to women exactly three times" - my three times divorced father.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Is it just me or do people keep posting terrible things about me?

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

I don't know where I would be, If it wasn't for my friend's wisdom: "keep doing your own thing"

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Pussy and chicken are very similar. In both cases, you lick your fingers.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Happy father's day to all the responsible fathers.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Happy father's day to all the single mothers.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

I was inmortal on my past life.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Everyone at school used to laught at me, then I started telling jokes and everyone stopped.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

I wish my mom was my boss so I could keep telling her that she is not the boss of me.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

If your wife does not follow you on Twitter, she is following your with a fake account.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Going to your mother-in-law´s house is like going to the doors of hell, or to a dentist appointment.

[Mr. El Matador @MrElMatador]

Is it still okay to include tweets on your resume?