Sam Vincent

I have the same birthday as Helen Keller.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

I don’t want to be an alarmist, but if these two words now are considered rhyming, I’m concerned for the future of America.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

I think I just met a blind woman.

When I explained I could help her granddaughter if she had any problems at school, she asked what grade I was going into. No idea I was a teacher.

The gray hairs, bags under my eyes, and drinking a beer at a restaurant meant nothing to her.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Me: Buying 2 items at Dollar General that total $2.68.

Cashier: While laughing uncontrollably, “That’ll be $107.42…April Fool’s!”

Nailed it. Somehow I feel I won’t be the only person this cashier fools today.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Why I hate the mall:

It was the crowds, the train with waving kids, bubble tea…

NOW, there are mini motorcycles kids aged 3-8 ride right through the mall. They have no driving experience.

“What do you want for Xmas?”
“I want my bruise from Timmy running me over to go away.”

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

What normal people are thankful for: Family, Friends, maybe Good Health.

What my Dad is thankful for: There’s a 6 hour marathon of the Andy Griffith Show on TV.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

There’s a Thanksgiving food drive at work. One of the items to purchase is a 3 lb. canned ham.

I’ve been to 3 grocery stores and am starting to think this product doesn’t even exist.

They should just name it Waldo because no one knows where it is.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

My parents went out of town, so I said I’d house sit/dog sit.

My mom left a note of instructions and a list with 3 “emergency” contacts and phone numbers:

1. My own name/number (probably not too useful)
2. Her name/number (10 hours away, not too useful)
3. 911 (could be useful)

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Why do people get dressed up and look nice on Love is Blind?

THEY CAN’T SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!

If I’m on this show, it’s sweatpants or gym shorts and a stained shirt every date.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

On this Election Day, found a leaked vote of the WVU fan base:

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Just handed out candy at a Trunk or Treat.

For the past 2 hours, I’ve listened to nothing but the Monster Mash.

I’m ready to Monster Bash my head against a wall.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Was complimented yesterday and today on what I was wearing.

This has NEVER happened.

I’ve either lucked into 2 nice looking outfits or fashion has cycled around to my wardrobe that hasn’t changed for roughly 30 years.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

To most people today was just another day.

For 7 years, I have shown my classes 10 minutes of national news hosted by THE Carl Azuz.

Then today, I show it and he’s been replaced. Tragic.

I miss his greeting. I miss his puns. Mondays are no longer awesome.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

I’m watching this live coverage of the UK moving the Queen’s casket.

I know the British have lots of long-standing traditions, but I don’t understand why they have to drive the Queen’s hearse on the left side of the road. Seems dangerous.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Some people pray before a flight.
Lots of people pray before major surgery.

I pray before I turn into the Kroger parking lot. Because if there’s a place I think I’ll meet my maker, it’s about 70% likely it’s getting hit in this lot.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Just had a student walk in with a Pitt jersey on.

Instant office referral.

Let’s Go Mountaineers!

[Kevin Polowy @djkevlar]

This is better than every Jurassic World movie

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Today is picture day at the school.

Was told I’m the best looking teacher that’s gotten my picture so far.

Was also told I’m the first teacher that’s gotten my picture so far.

So the compliment doesn’t mean much.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Today was the students’ first day of school.

Asked a student how the day was going and she said, “All my classes are boring.”

I said, “Well, don’t get your hopes up this one will be interesting.”

She responded (very quickly), “Oh, I’m not.”

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Just got a haircut and new shoes: Ready to go back to work tomorrow and be productive.

Also just filled up my car with gas: Could easily keep summer going and drive 300 miles without missing a beat.

[Sam Vincent @MrSamVincent]

Went to an aquarium with a 6 year old today.

Life lesson: Seeing dolphins, jellyfish, and sharks is fun, but NOTHING is more fun than riding an escalator.