patty cakes

they/them but i prefer that you use he/him life motto: don’t give a fuck and let that shit go #blowme #gofuckyourself

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

that sink is looking very attractive #piss #peetime

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

it’s easier to nut in a butthole than adopt a kid

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

if science evolves to the point where gay men could have butt babies, kids are gonna get bullied so hard.

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

i’d rather be in jail than in #highschool

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

can’t be too sober when i drive

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

if you talk to me again i’m going to shoot you #nomeansno #keepingmydicktomyself #dontsuckmydick #myweinermychoice

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

NO MEANS NO BRO!! sorry to disappoint you with my straightness

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

just got nutted in!

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

#panerabread doesn’t come with a side of titties

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

breakfast is crazy

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

a flock of japanese tourists get of the tour bus and the head chef starts ordering us to heat up the clam chowder

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

i don’t know who’s telling japanese tourists to try clam chowder

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

some good racially motivated quotes for your twitter

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

do you know why the japanese love clam chowder??

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

bro has a physically fat head

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

wouldn’t you fuck a space hooker

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

tucker does not deserve getting fucked by me

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

it’s hard to blanch broccolini when you’re a massive bitch

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

i’m cute enough without the pics

[patty cakes @MrToomeyB]

how are you supposed to stop drinking and driving when i’m frequently drunk and usually drinking and sometimes i happen to be driving