DT

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

The company hired me to lead their "Agile Transformation."
I don't know what Agile means.
Nobody does.
That's why it works.

I make $425,000 a year.
To move sticky notes.
From left to right.
On a board.
The board is digital now.
The sticky notes cost $80,000 in Jira licenses.
Progress.

Day one, I said "we need to break down silos."
Everyone nodded.
Silos are bad.
I don't know why.
But destroying them is a career.
My career.

I introduced "squads."
Squads are teams.
But disrupted.
We disrupted the teams into teams.
Different names.
Same people.
Same problems.
But Agile problems now.
Agile problems are strategic.

A senior engineer asked what we're actually changing.
I said, "The mindset."
He asked what that means.
I said, "It's a journey."
He asked where we're going.
I said, "Toward agility."
He asked what agility means.
I pointed at the sticky notes.
They were moving left to right.
That's velocity.
We have velocity now.

The VP of Engineering said two-week sprints don't fit their work.
I said, "That's waterfall thinking."
Waterfall is bad.
Like silos.
I don't know what waterfall is.
But I know it's bad.
She stopped talking.
Waterfall accusations end conversations.

We had a retrospective.
In the retro, we discussed what went wrong.
Everything went wrong.
We put it on sticky notes.
Then we moved the sticky notes.
Into a column called "Parking Lot."
The Parking Lot is where problems go to die.
It's full.
We don't look at it.
That's agile.

Velocity is up 40%.
I defined velocity.
I also defined the points.
I also defined the stories.
We're crushing it.
At the things I made up.
To measure.
Ourselves.

The CEO asked for ROI.
I showed a chart.
The chart went up.
Charts should go up.
This one did.
I didn't label the Y-axis.
Nobody asked.
Leadership is confidence.

We do standups now.
Every day.
We stand.
For 45 minutes.
Standing is agile.
Sitting is waterfall.
My legs hurt.
But we're transforming.

The transformation is now "Phase 3."
Phase 1 was assessment.
Phase 2 was implementation.
Phase 3 is "continuous improvement."
Continuous means forever.
Forever means job security.
I'm very secure.

My contract was extended.
Three more years.
For "cultural impact."
The culture is confused.
But impacted.

Agile transformation isn't about being agile.
It's about transforming.
Continuously.
Toward more transformation.
The destination is the journey.
The journey is billable.

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@HeyHeyItsConrad No, thank you, seems churlish to ask for anything else after thousands of hours listening to your podcasts.

But as the old saying goes….”don’t ask (politely) you have no chance of getting”

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@MathewCompton8 Got it in Chelmsford around a similar time

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@the_zb_ Could you make an argument for Kimi in 2007. The Ferrari was not the best car over the course of the season, that’s plainly evident

I do however agree with the wider point

[Simpsons wrestling memes @SimpsonsWWE]

So long WWE network.

Credit Eric Petronis

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@PSchwarzenegger You’re far cooler than I am. I can honestly say I don’t recognise a single one. Getting old!

[nat - ناتالي 🌸🍉 @hamiltocon]

retweet to scare the fia

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

There is no Fox Marvel Universe or MCU without Blade first creating a market. He’s Marvel Daddy. Please retweet for a Logan-like send off. #DeadpoolAndWolverine

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

Here’s an idea. Instead of national service, which is obviously idiotic, how about kids working on farms.

[The Spurs Express @TheSpursExpress]

🎙️| Eric Dier has offered a strong defence of #Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy:

“Daniel’s a very strong businessman. He’s an extremely difficult man to negotiate with but he looks after the club. I just find it funny when I went to the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium and see ‘Levy Out’ and I’m thinking, this guy over the last ten years has built the best infrastructure in football, best training ground, best stadium — and a team during all of that time that has stayed relatively competitive, reaching the Champions League final in 2019.
You look at some other clubs struggling now that Financial Fair Play is becoming a big thing. That’s where I have a lot of respect for Daniel. Look at Arsenal when they built their new stadium, you saw that decline of the team, there were financial constraints as they built, and only now they’re finally coming back.
You never hear Tottenham in any of these FFP conversations. It’s baffling to me that a Tottenham fan could ever be upset with someone who looks after a club in that way.”

[@henrywinter]

[Matt Baker @slave_2_liberty]

@dom_lucre

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@FastestPitStop It’s a shame they don’t take the opportunity to use ‘championship order’ but then experiment with a ‘reverse grid’. Would make for a fascinating spectacle if the race itself is dry

[DT @Mr_DMT]

@jasoneisener Can we please please get this made! All the drivel that actually is released. Casey Jones and a 90’s look Raphael needs to be seen

And then we can get onto Masters of the Universe which deserves a try too

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

WARNING: GRAPHIC ⚠️ Remastered footage of the most intense clips from 9/11

[The Royal Family @RoyalFamily]

“Queen Elizabeth was a life well lived; a promise with destiny kept and she is mourned most deeply in her passing. That promise of lifelong service I renew to you all today.”

His Majesty The King addresses the Nation and the Commonwealth.

[Steph McGovern @StephLunch]

This has really made me laugh. What a great anecdote from @theresa_may