True Quotes

Quotes, jokes, and other things about life

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, but at least I've never signed up at the gym in January. #banter #funny #joke

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

All 13 of my tattoos tell a story.

I had money on me when I was drunk.

#funny #banter #jokes #lol

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything,

but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

I accidentally called 999 from my mobile phone last night.

So I set my house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.

#banter #funny #jokes

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

The wife's getting lazier by the day and I'm getting fed up with her.

Now all of a sudden I have to wipe my own arse.

#banter #funny

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

Kim Kardashian's baby will be the second thing that her vagina has given birth to. The first was her career.

#banter #jokes #funny

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

"Anal bleaching"

Because some arseholes need to lighten up.

#banter #jokes #funny #retweet

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches. #funny

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

Dildos are illegal in Texas but guns aren't.

Probably explains the low number of dildo-related murders in the area.

#banter #haha

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart.

They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama. #women #banter

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

My love is like a candle...

Because if you forget about me I will burn your fucking house to the ground. #banter

[True Quotes @Mr_Daily_Quotes]

Hey guys, we just started are twitter page, we will be bringing you the best #banter on #twitter !