PastOfficeHours

Tales of teaching, tacos, and tragedy.

[trash jones @jzux]

i’m just a girl. standing in front of a ballot box. asking the government to please for the love of god not get any worse

[Nick Offerman @Nick_Offerman]

Still not blown away by this clock.

Who makes the best Scotch Egg in London, please and thank you?

[OyVeyLady @OyVeyLady]

My kid, already late for school: I need to plant this sapling and dress like my favorite book character today.

[OyVeyLady @OyVeyLady]

“Why do we have toes?”—high people and my kid before I’ve had coffee.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Anyone have any cheat codes for this Turbo Tax game?

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

me: idgaf

my anxiety: ʷᵉᶫᶫ ᶦ ᵈᵒ

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

*pronouncing testosterone to rhyme with pepperoni*

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Sunday means going to brunch with old friends*

*self-doubt and regret

[A Dad Influence @gbergan]

It seems to me that the guys in charge of refried beans have twice as much work to do.

[Avogadro’s House of Moles @schumoo]

At my funeral there will be cake so people aren't disappointed like me at this cake-less funeral

[One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom]

I just need my coffee to be stronger than my existential dread

[Sahana Srinivasan @sahana_srini]

Every time I send a text I think “Wtf why’d I say that? I’m a crazy WEIRDO!!” and when I get a response I’m like “Haha wait I’m so normal and cool. It’s awesome how normal and chill I am:)”

[Lola Blanc @ohlalola]

Do you save all the voicemails from everyone you love in case they die unexpectedly or are you normal

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

My cat acts like he doesn’t know his name, but he does …. He fucking does.

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

bill nye collecting tarot decks call him bill geminye the astrology guy.

[Laura Marie @lmegordon]

Talbots is starting to make cute clothes. I thought they only made clothes for old ladi-

Oh no.