Mrs. Claus

Queen of the pole.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Santa's got a brand new bag. #SantaInFeb

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

My favorite sex position depends on how bad your breath smells.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Here's to having a fresh start at binge eating, boozing & slacking off.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates, it's like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

I don't know if I'm hungry, but I'm going going to eat anyway...just in case.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

I'm only a morning person on Christmas Day.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

My New Years resolution is to stop kidding myself about lifestyle changes. Nobody likes a cheap, skinny, sober b*tch anyway.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

What am I getting for Christmas? Fat. I'm getting fat.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Go Jesus it's your birthday!

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

That awkward moment when Santa has the same wrapping paper as your mom...

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Jesus be like...

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

It doesn't matter if you've been naughty or nice, that creepy Elf on the Shelf is going to kill you one night when you're sleeping.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Congratulations, you're broke. Merry effing Christmas!

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Told you

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Guess who actually has to do work today ----> @Santa_St_Claus

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

If you jingle his bells, he'll give you a white Christmas.

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

So If I put the mistletoe on my belt buckle that means he has to kiss below it, right?

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Define "naughty" @Santa_St_Claus

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

Come on mofo's let's go sing some songs & be merry & sh*t!

[Mrs. Claus @Mrs_St_Claus]

This is my favorite time of year to be childless.