Lisa W

she/her. funnier online. fatter in person. potty mouthed do-gooder. pied piper of chaos. irrepressible. bird whisperer. magic maker. story teller. HVAC queen.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

It’s the same photo.

Had a special celebrity visit at the feeder, @TheSimpsons very own Mr. Burns!

Little known fact, Mr. Burns may go by Montgomery but his real name is Chipmunkgomery Burns. 👀

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

So @CodyRhodes always looks impeccable, but coming in with suspenders, plaid pants and no suit jacket somehow took his debonair appearance to a new level 🔥

Disappointed @JohnCena didn’t get him to merman/kenman up for the @Barbie movie because he could have been the lead🤤

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@myway_60 @Avabelly__ Yeah, that’s what I fucking said.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@AtomicSh0cker @Avabelly__ Ahh, good to know. Mutey mute mute it is

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@FanKing7 @Avabelly__ It never ceases to amaze me how as a society y’all just agreed to accept $2.34 as an acceptable wage.

Gross gross gross

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@FanKing7 @Avabelly__ *you’re

While I disagree with how assbackwards your stupid fucking country is with minimum wage & “server minimum wage*, I have found us Canadians to be exceedingly generous tippers; especially when travelling to the US. There’s always a bit of pity padding on top of the tip

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@sherry_dec8497 @Avabelly__ No, that’s gross too.

It’s either fine, or it’s not fine. Body shape doesn’t indicate shirtless privilege.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@Upsquestinare Oh. Lol, nah fam I’m good

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@LiLbOoPs_ @Upsquestinare I missed it :(

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

I’d rather carve my own eyeballs out with a 1980s @McDonalds coffee/cocaine spoon than spend another second talking to @UPS

I’d rather trap live rats under a glass lid on my bare belly, then heat the glass so the rats furiously burrow into my flesh to escape than deal with @UPS

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@Spothe Pasquale’s!

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@KarenKB5 @McDonalds @UPS I had a doozy with them over Christmas, booked a pick up in Chicago for December 11th, I got it January 11th, they tried and failed to pick it up until the 22nd

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@JosephWorden7 Nope, we want big daddy right where he is.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@JoeDaleySports 👀

My father would disown me, but I’d be laughing for years

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

I would rather gargle @DonaldTrump’s bath water than deal with the incompetence of @ups

I would rather dine on a plate of @PierrePoilievre toenail clippings than interact with the customer service* at @UPS

* oxy-fucking-moron

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

I’d rather carve my own eyeballs out with a 1980s @McDonalds coffee/cocaine spoon than spend another second talking to @UPS

I’d rather trap live rats under a glass lid on my bare belly, then heat the glass so the rats furiously burrow into my flesh to escape than deal with @UPS

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

Jfc, what is it with American anthem singers that feel the need to make their mark while singing said anthem?

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

TEENY TINY SOOT SPRITES

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

Ebola outbreak was not on my bingo card.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

Witnessing Trump have an epic global hissy fit and public temper tantrum every time someone dared disagree with or push back against him, including but certainly not limited to the Catholic fucking pope; has really gotta make you wonder how he’d react to a woman telling him no.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@romanmfer @Matt_Pinner With 2 toddlers underfoot which is a safety risk for all parties.

[Lisa W @MsBehavior]

@romanmfer @Matt_Pinner Not a chance it’s a 16 hour shift; if it was it means he started around 2AM since she’s cooking dinner (it’s evening the living room light is on) and the kids are not in jammies.

This is a man who is comfortable with his pregnant wife holding an infant at a hot stove -