Mike Muff

Mike Muff. Family man. Youth baseball team manager. Twice divorced. Owner of 6 little rascals (dogs). Sports fanatic. Mike Muff.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

Not sure what the youth do for fun these days. My personal recommendation is to call an Uber and wipe so many boogers all over the seats. It’s fucking sick

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

I’ll also be able to get an autograph from Mike Trout. Talk about a pair of muscles on that guy

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

I will be sending out letters to MLB organizations threatening to kill myself if they don’t let me throw out the first pitch at one of their games. Really tough spot for them to be in. They will cave.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

Me limping out of the bar after housing 14 Samual Adam’s pale ales as the nearest bystander pleas with me to not get behind the wheel

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Hailey Van Lith said OUT MY WAY

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

If you can legally change your gender then why the hell can’t I change my Hummer H2 into a traveling beer consuming pod #hummerbeers

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@Leinmann91 If she’s 8 or younger then you two have it covered. However, 9 and up is fair game for me to take a turn

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@CTECOWBOY5 @PLLNationals You and me both brother. You seem like my kind of guy

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@Leinmann91 I fucking hate that kid Jason, but your son sounds so short that even I would advise Trish to not let her son play with him. And you can bet your ass if I had a kid of my own he would beat the shit out of Isaac in school

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

My neighbor is getting in my grill again about my dogs pooping in her lawn. Does she not know what 6 Great Danes could do to her little boy Jason? That’s why you’re a single mother, Trish. Jason’s lack of a male role will ultimately lead him to an empty and unfulfilled life.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

I’m one more person not saying thank you when I hold the door for them away from doing something catastrophic and irreversible

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@Leinmann91 Agreed, Dewey. Stop the hate towards anti-semites!!! #justice

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

I would burn small bugs with a magnifying glass as a child. I think a lot of my emotional troubles have stemmed from that. I think that’s why I have trouble with relationships. And not because I drink a 12 pack everyday and then yell at people. #selfreflection #coorsbanquet12pack

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@SharronLea54 @officiallaxgirl Not even going to get into it with a chick who has blue hair. Since you’re so interested in my hemroid I’ll have you know when I had my hemroid I was shitting out better looking things than you, lady.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

My apologies. I was just informed that East Palestine is actually in Ohio. I thought we were talking about those desert guys. #oops

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

Not sure why everyone is making a big deal about East Palestine and their “undrinkable water”. You think those cowards give a damn about any of us? In my eyes they’re still enemies of the state. #Palestine #nobueno

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

(To the guy standing next to me in the bathroom using an electric toothbrush)
I’ll see you in hell brother.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@USALacrosseMag @StanfordFball @UVAMensLax Miezan hits the A-gap harder than Lars hits the shower with the squad post game

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

@PLLNationals @CoasterCruz @tweet_reader57 I wonder what the ratio of Paul Rabil’s cock to the space in your mouth is.

[Mike Muff @Muff_and_Stuff]

These Blue Devils are overhyped. If I didn’t tear my groin in the same year of high school as being diagnosed with alarmingly high blood pressure I would’ve blown them out of the water. I could’ve put O’Neil in a fucking pretzel back in my day. #BROniel