"With no internship offers and a $5,000 enlistment bonus on the line, Cox was quick to shift summer plans, armed with nothing but a 2.3 GPA and a dream."
"There is no greater moment of revenge than causing your evil advisor’s eyes to water from your rancid toot as she reveals to you that you are missing a core class a week before your graduation."
"You Northside people, especially you freshmen, love to gab about how Northside is so much nicer than Southside. Well, you might as well stay there indefinitely!"
"You may not be able to get a job, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a plethora of other issues to leech off of. When all else fails, why not try grifting?"