Ahmed Issa

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Has Citizen TV run out of meaningful stories to cover? Platforming this amateurish spectacle is beneath your journalistic standards. This individual lost all credibility when he attempted to wrestle the Jubilee leadership from Uhuru Kenyatta, and public trust in him is non-existent. He is clearly angling for sympathy to stage a parliamentary comeback. Unless Gachagua is funding this propaganda, I urge you to drop this nonsense immediately.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Sasa @kenyans, why are you so obsessed with this mjinga?His own constituents don't even bother to listen to him they see him coming, they turn the other way like he's selling expired milk.But you? You're here giving him airtime like he's dropping wisdom from Mount Sinai, when in reality it's just porojo ya kawaida.Instead of bringing watu wenye akili people who actually have something valuable to say you choose sensationalism over substance.Very disappointing, but honestly, hatushangai we've seen this movie before, and the sequel is always https://t.co/T7lRV9cRRB time, let's invite people who can actually add value, not those who just add noise to the timeline.Tuambie nini? Or are we just here for the drama? 🙄

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

@GathogoBMwangi I only vote for a kikuyu and then pretend to be a human rights activist.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

That’s so glaringly obvious even my grandma’s goat would’ve rolled its eyes at it. But fine, dazzle us with that convoluted theory about him not being a Kikuyu—what a groundbreaking deduction. Since you're feeling like such a genius, how about you deduce that plastering your self-promoting mug all over public walls isn't a campaign strategy—it's vandalism? Stop wasting paint and defacing our shared spaces with your ego. KENHA should be sending you a cleanup invoice—or better yet, a summons for criminal mischief.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

@HammerHamm026

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Wewe MP, what have you achieved for your people? Si unatuonyesha kidole while your own mirror is dusty? Mdomo mkubwa, content sifuri.
And that "we don't care who gets in as long as Kasongo goes" — that's your big brain plan? Hiyo ni akili ya kuku. No strategy, just hot air.
Luhyas sent you and Salaseya to Parliament or Carnivore for open mic night? With leaders like you, no wonder your people dominate guards, house girls, na shamba boys — it's not a coincidence, it's a career guide.
Angalia kioo, ona clown, then ask: Nimefanya nini? Answer: nothing but maneno.

Tunataka matunda, si mababas. 🥴

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

This accident would have been avoided if Gachagua had actually done his job of eliminating alcoholism in Murima you know, the one task that was supposedly his divine calling. Instead, he spectacularly failed, and now we're all supposed to act shocked that he somehow "found" billions of shillings in the wreckage, which, coincidentally, all took a sharp detour straight into his personal bank accounts. Truly, the man deserves a medal for turning a public health crisis into a private cash piñata. Bravo.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Just admit it that forehead of yours is like JKIA runway, even planes are afraid to land, ndio maana hata mume hakukaribii. Na mdomo wako? It's making noise like a village chicken being chased by an elephant, but your brain is smaller than a panadol tablet unafikiria tu, lakini hakuna kitu kinafika. Hio ndio sababu hukua na mume, si UDA. Si ni vita ya bangi, ni ya paji yako tu! Msee, that's serious.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

@LMD1xyz @atensnut God took 80% of your visions because He disapproved of your wickedness. He will come for the rest very soon. God is great.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

@NjiruAdv Relax, hotshot a husband is waiting to welcome you tonight. Just not yours. Your new 'hubby' in Cell Block D has already picked out your bunk. Hope you're ready to be the bride.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Ah, look who’s finally landed a blockbuster role in the justice system try not to turn it into a one-man melodrama! Spare us the 'Murima' victimhood remix; we’ve heard that tired track way too many times. Fingers crossed Murkomen administers a sharp reality check to deflate that oversized ego. And wow, they let you keep your phone during this 'arrest'? How incredibly generous of them. Surely this isn’t just another desperate Gachagua-style publicity stunt to grab headlines, because we all know you absolutely loathe the spotlight. Priceless.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

NTV's vetting team must be on a permanent tea break, because that lady was serving premium word salad zero plot, broken English, and vibes that made absolutely no sense. If she's our blueprint for future leadership, we aren't just cooked; we're burnt to a crisp.
And that Gen-Z hype? It hit a dead end so hard it left skid marks. Now we're just left with goons whose only campaign manifesto is "Mandamano" and who think "mananchi" is a free-for-all supermarket sweep. At this rate, that ship doesn't just have no clothes it has no engine, no captain, and is actively sinking while playing loud, confusing political jingles.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

@samuelwahiu1 @KarungoThangwa Haha, my guy! That spelling is giving very drunk on Muratina energy we don't do that here, this is adult table talk. Before you come for us with that keyboard, bora ujue your ABCs properly. Wewe ni mdogo sana, go sit with the kids and revise your vowels, then we can talk! 💀

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Oh, I bet there are dozens of Kalenjin women with their bags packed, ready to slide in. But have you met a Murima woman? She’d rather lose her national ID than lose her man’s wallet. The evidence is plastered all over every street and bar in Kenya they're not just hanging out, they're conducting due diligence. So yeah, Murkomen would have an easier time leaving his own shadow. Not happening, Senator.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Wewe ni 'socialite' ama ni professional clout-chaser wa power? Unazurura karibu na bigwigs kama shadow ya rat—unapiga selfie za kujipandisha status na kujionyesha 'loved,' lakini ukweli ni wewe ni nani? Hiyo posting yako inasaidia Kenyans gani hasa? Hao unadai wanahitaji 'services' zako wanangoja government iwasaidie, si picha yako ya kukaa karibu na Bwana Governor huku unamwangalia kama amekuletea tea. Na wewe ulienda ukawachanganya hao officials? Labda uliwapea lessons za jinsi ya kujipiga camera? Mwache hizo nonsense. Kama blogging ndio talent yako pekee, fungua YouTube channel, tafuta Miss Trudy, mfanye collabo ya 'How to waste time professionally.' Angalau hapo utapata views na dooh, si kuendelea kujifanya important huku ukiumiza pua ya watu.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

You are unequivocally the dumbest sack of flesh to ever draw breath. You're the exact brand of brain-dead imbecile who panic-dials the cable company because the remote needs new batteries, or stands there drooling because you can't locate the "On" button. And of course, your pinnacle of failure is rotting away in a squalid, mold-ridden trailer which is frankly still too dignified for a pathetic, slack-jawed waste of carbon like you.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Sasa! You Midget is out here using that step stool to peek through the crowd of actual adults in that large crowd,and that’s why you got jealousy dripping from your ears?
Bro, the way you are fighting for that opposition AG slot, you’d think it comes with a lifetime supply of ugali and a personal matatu lane. Your bosses must be reading your hot takes like, "Kumbe this guy has a keyboard and zero shame?" Your arguments are so hollow, I can hear an echo from here si vibaya sana?
How did you even pass the bar? Did you bribe the examiner with a chapati? Because the audacity to call yourself an advocate while spewing nonsense like a drunk mkokoteni pusher is truly embarrassing. Acha ujinga, wewe! If they put you near any government office, the only thing you’d be fit to advocate for is early retirement. Wacha tu!

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Leo ume-display hio sura ya kama umelala na kuku na bado unateta kwa Kiswahili cha darasa la nne? Hio profile picture yako ni better, angalau ilikuwa na filter. Sisi tunakaa hapa tunakuchungulia kama umetoka kwa mganga, na arguments zako ni shallow kuliko mfuko wa msee wa mjengo Jumamosi. Akili zetu zimepotea roundabout enda tu home kunywa Muratina na hio sura, because ata wewe unajua ni ngoma. Toka hapa, wewe ni distraction! 💀🍻

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

That engine of yours is running on cheap drugs it will never reach the stage. it will only drop you inside a cell! You're inciting ghasia (violence/chaos), yet you claim to be defending this same Katiba with your chest? Quit that drunken puff, young man! Wake up, organise your life, work with the sweat of your brow, and put your money in the bank. That's how you'll go far. But that crying like a baby, stealing, and begging for pity? That's just story za jaba (empty, useless talk) it won't get you anywhere, it's just a waste of time.

[Ahmed Issa @Muratinacrew]

Be honest the only reason you're crying about Ruto is that he's not Kikuyu, and you're pressed because he has the audacity to treat all Kenyans equally, whether they're praying in a church, mosque, or just vibing under a mugumo tree with some muratina. To you, that equal treatment is a crime? Wacha tu! Sasa, go and shout that gospel at the muratina drinking Mungiki crew they'll either recruit you or throw a calabash at your head!