Murf Jones

Murf “Murf n’ Turf” Jones | Failed Politician, University of Phoenix Alum, Crypto Investor, Concealed Carrier, Bi-curious, Ball Knower

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

“Alexa, play Everlong by Foo Fighters” (my scrambled eggs are burnt as shit again)

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@MurfGray kinda crazy that we have the same first name and both have 1.000+ OPS (I’m dominating my men’s 35+ league) let’s get a beer and get your power numbers up #murfmakesyoubig

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

I sometimes send unsolicited dick pics to heavy Hinge girls #murfession

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Greg DiCenzo needs fired #rubbermurfs #gregsachud

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@mitch__hickey @sonnywinters_ @RepRusty2024 Bunch of Alpha Dogs right there! Had a great time teaching you all about the benefits of peptides #supplemurf

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

“North America” implies the existence of a “South America”

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@Iman_Shumpert4 @mitch__hickey @sonnywinters_ @RepRusty2024 Shut the fuck up Iman we’re real #murfbouttabeatsomeass #imanchumpert

[Mitch Hickey @mitch__hickey]

Always a great time catching up to talk ball and politics and failed relationships with these guys!

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Solid leg day today prepping for my comp (slang/short for competition) #murfthemonster #alphamurf #concealedcarrier #thewaybigxsaysaye

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Name a baseball player whose name can also be used to describe the scenario of being on a roller coaster, getting some top, and then leaving the amusement park after.

I’ll start: Woo-Suk Go

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Me laying on the therapy couch: “If there’s anybody but Hanley at short Clayton Kershaw would have thrown a perfect game”

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

What difference 12 hours can make lol @MichelleObama I had a great time last night 💘

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Gettin murfed on this #weightcrusherwednesday (warmup set btw don’t make fun of me🙈)

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@mitch__hickey I got a similar agenda this week Hickster:
-Beat a dead horse
-Poke a bear
-Address the elephant in my room
-Bite off more than I can chew
-Laundry

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@MLBTheShow putting the Negro League players in the game and making them absolutely fucking horrendous feels more racist than just not putting them in the game

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Knicks vs Cavs would be the epitome of why the NBA is unwatchable #murfhatessoft #builtmurftough

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Bob Odenkirk could play Kenny Atkinson in a movie

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

@spidadmitchell

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Paul Reed definitely takes creatine #bigbody #alphamurf

[Brookens Institution @DetroitTankCity]

The Pistons don't flop.
They don't foul-bait.
They don't throw their head backwards, flail their arms, fall to the ground on the slightest contact.
The don't kick their legs forward on jump shots.

And the Pistons are actively punished for not doing those things.

Incredible.

[Murf Jones @MurfnTurfJones]

Never having kids cuz I can’t be that Chud burping his dumb little baby in public #alphamurf