Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate)

Formerly: 15th C Mushroom Peasant. Currently: Circles 4-9 of hell.

[Madeline Hill @mad_hill]

Not Tom Brady posting The Chicks cover of ‘Landslide’ after news broke that Gisele Bündchen is having a baby with her hot jiu-jitsu instructor boyfriend 👀

[Bobby Wagner @bwags]

never forget

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

Dulles airport is incredible because the average IQ is double digits and the average age is triple digits.

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

Can’t wait until Bay Area drivers discover the existence of mirrors, boutta be a real game changer.

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

@innowayme Explain this

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

Just broke some kid’s nose in the Mitski Moshpit.

[thai @nyracult]

crying i can’t believe this is a real edit

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

@CoorsLightCEO Why did you tweet this

[Science girl @sciencegirl]

A red fox listens to a banjo in the Colorado mountains

📹 Andy Thorn

[I LOVE ATLANTA @4oh4dee]

When you unexpectedly dap up the President at Waffle House 🫱🏾‍🫲🏻

[Gorvenal Üthelsonn (Mushroom Magnate) @MushroomMagnate]

They’ve gotta be putting something in the water because ain’t no way this many separate groups of people have all independently decided to go to Greece this summer.

[Sean Morrow @snmrrw]

trying to give joe an adderall through the tv

[zantae 🦇 @DeathAngelUSA]

I have to share this again: “Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.”

[Jaketropolis @jaketropolis]

"Not of been"

[Nomadic Warriors for Pritzker⚔️ @Nomads4Pritzker]

“They’re calling it prison abolition, folks. Prishon… prison ab-o-lition. You know about prison abolition? [crowd roars] That’s right. I’ve been reading Angela Davis. An-gee-la. Davis. And I love her! Don’t we love Angela Davis! [Crowd cheers even louder]. That’s right!”

[LakeShowYo @LakeShowYo]

even LeBron using Stream East 😭

[WIRED @WIRED]

There’s a prickly anxiety humming beneath Alaska life now, like a wildfire that travels for miles in the loamy surface of soft ground before erupting without notice into flames. https://t.co/yqFq1trrFb

[Robert F. Kennedy Jr @RobertKennedyJr]

I feel confident of the result even with a six-worm handicap.

[AB @AB84]

J Cole said…..