MyAlternativeReality

Age 50, Stage IV ovarian cancer, trying to see life without a future

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

It's the time of year when I think back to this time five years ago. Bloated, diagnosed, terrified, in short order. Thanks to great NHS care both physical & mental, I'm still keeping going! #OvarianCancer

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@aliciaandrz sending you lots of love and strength. i don't know you, but someone very dear to me is on the same path as you, and i've seen their struggles at times. surround yourself with those who will support you and help you when the going is tough xx

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

Onc anxiety is building up again. I was astonished when blood results 2 months ago were good; can’t help feeling that I won’t be so lucky in 10 days. Recurrence is inevitable - and overdue. Almost wish it would happen so I can stop worrying about when :/ #OvarianCancer

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@ohyouresotough Oh so much! It's not just the 10" scar down my abdomen, or the tablets I have to take every day to try and keep the cancer at bay a few more days/weeks/months. It's that my ankles have never recovered properly from the year of Avastin which trashed my joints, and now crunch!

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

Every time we get an email that a former colleague has died - or in this case a colleague in a related unit - I think of how it will be when my manager has to send out the email about me. #FuckCancer @ThanksCancer

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@JaneyGodley Ugh yes! The only brave thing I’ve ever done in. My life was walking back into that chemo unit every time, knowing how crap I was going to feel, but desperately hoping it was worth it.

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

Teen’s Uni housemates were unwell the few days before we brought her home from Uni. Now all 3 of us have covid. It’s really really not over. We’ve been so careful for the past 3 1/2 years. I’m raging. 🤬

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@katievscancer I would wear my moomin T-shirt and one of my favourite comfiest pairs of hand-knitted socks. My chemo bag had everything I could want. But still walking through the doors to the unit was the biggest act of bravery. Every time. Sending you love and strength.

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@JaneyGodley Not strange at all. I took a work phone call in the chemo unit at one point - I’m not self-employed and someone else could have handled the query, but I knew it would be a 5 min convo for me or a heap of hassle for someone else to get the same info. You do what you can!

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@CherryMorrello I’m glad you’ve got a place on the unit now. I hope you’re getting the best possible care mentally/emotionally as well as physically xx

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

Ugh, it’s the weight of waiting again. Blood test on Monday for an onc appt tomorrow morning. I just want it to be over. I’m scared because I feel like recurrence is due, even without any symptoms. Gah. #FuckCancer

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@CherryMorrello Sending you lots of love. It always brightens my day, seeing your chatty updates- I can only imagine the pain and fear behind them on days like this. I wish you peace xx

[Chris Bayliss @chgbayliss]

I think it’s time to repost this, as my cancer tweeps seem to be facing a lot of warrior talk at the moment… @ThanksCancer #FuckCancer

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@itsnot_pink @AMJohnston1315 @LesleyKailani Not to mention that people don’t have to go through painful, frightening or unpleasant treatment to try and avoid being hit by a bus. Or have regular doctors appointments and scans to tell them if their likelihood of being hit by a bus has increased or decreased… 🚌

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@JoYogaFitness10 @ThanksCancer I’m alive. And grateful for the family and friends who hold me together when I fall apart.

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@katievscancer @ThanksCancer @Ale_R_Flaca Absolutely! If some find it helpful to use warrior/battle terminology for themselves that’s fine. But I’m not a warrior. I’m me, trying to live my life as well as I can for as long as I can. I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m happy, I’m exhausted, I’m busy, I’m working… I’m NOT fighting

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@gotthegistofit Absolutely! My supervisor at Uni once described me as bloody-minded. I can’t say he was wrong… But brave? Nope!

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@zoeatkinson2301 @katievscancer @ThanksCancer Oh that is just perfect! So much this!

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

@shitscaredmum I’m so sorry. I can only imagine your heartbreak every time. Sending you love and hope that you can somehow find comfort even in the heartbreak xx

[MyAlternativeReality @MyAlternativeR1]

I haven't really been on here since the big change, but miss my cancer peeps, so am cautiously coming back. Sad to see so many are no longer with us :(