MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T

My boyfriend isn't allowed to like Instagram pictures on his own, you're going to call me & we'll discuss as a TEAM whether the picture should be liked.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't good at math, but he's got a PhD in forgetting to take out the trash.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

Can’t trust a guy who faces the other way whilst you’re sleeping. what’s over there? other women?

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to speak to other females idc if your lost & need directions you better get on your knees& ask Jesus to guide you.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isnt allowed to dream.. I mean what you tryna do? Imagine life without me?

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend not allowed to take a jog around the block, The fuck he trying to do? Practice how he'll run away from me? I don't think so.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to hug a female with two arms. Better pat that hoe on the head.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to talk to other girls. U lonely?U better get on your knees and talk to Jesus. Otherwise you can meet him instead.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to drink any energy drinks. What you trying get energy for? To find the strength to leave me? Not today.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to kiss any other female but me. You wanna say goodbye to grandma? You better chest-bump her and call it a day.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to laugh at other girls jokes when Im not around. He better call me and we'll decide together if its funny or not.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to defend another girl when I'm talkin about her. If I say shes a hoe, Shes A Hoe!. Say it with me, "SHES A HOE!"

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to sneeze in public... Girls be like "bless you." He's already blessed, he has me.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to have candles on his birthday cake...Wtf are you wishing for? All your dreams came true when you met me.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to call other girls late at night. You can't sleep? Call Jake from State Farm!

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to say "ily from the bottom of my heart" What you gonna do with the free space at the top? Love other girls? NO

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch Discovery Channel. What you tryna discover? New ways to leave me? NOT TODAY.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to have more than 3 women in his life. His mom, me, and his sister. You got two sisters? Pick your favorite.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to go outside, I already brightened your day! The fuck you need the sun light for?

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isnt allowed to leave the house after an argument. He need a break, he can have a kit kat.

[MY BOYFRIEND ISN'T @MyBoyFriendIsnt]

My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch the animal planet. He might see his ex there.