Jacob Goldberg's Penis

don't talk to me unless you're circumcised

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

@TomiLahren hey bitch! this aged well

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

every single Shabbat Bubbe calls and asks if I have a girlfriend yet. like hop off bitch ???

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

worst part about coming home for the High Holidays is when Carol G walks in on you jerking off in your bar mitzvah sweatshirt

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

yeah i’m an NJB... a Nice Jewish Boner

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

how i feel when my camp girlfriend likes my gameday insta #GoBlue

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

throwback to Ethan Schwartzberg’s bar mitzvah when i was grinding with his camp friend and nutted in my new khaki’s

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

nothing makes me harder than a Russ & Daughters everything bagel with lox

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

crazy that I got my first blowjob in Temple Sinai. i’ll love you forever Rebecca Horowitz, even if I was thinking about Cantor Rosenblatt the whole time

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

shana tova to the tribe. alvinu malkeinu is officially open and god is watching for 10 days. what does the torah say about porn if everyone is wearing a kippah?

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

yooo nothing like finding out one of the boys has herpes on a monday morning. might have to cancel the SDT mixer this fri #Brotherhood #AEPi

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

the best part of going home to New York for the High Holidays is clean underwear. the pledges can't do laundry like fuckin Carol Goldberg #GOAT

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

when Rachel Cohen's shoulder shows a little at Synagogue and it takes literally all of your energy not to bust in front of Rabbi Schneider

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

Jacob can try to shave the balls (we call them the little hairy Matzah's) all he wants... one day he'll remember he's a Jew. #DarkAndCurly

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

not to brag but this morning in Zabar's this girl almost touched me and my friend from Michigan's camp friend said that her family has Yankee's season tix soooo... #NewRelationship #CuffingSzn #CallingBubbe

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

yikes, jizz stain on the new khaki's. carol goldberg is going to be PISSED

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

It's My Bar Mitzvah So I'll Jerk Off In The Bathroom If I Want To

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

ugh that awkward moment when you're on the bimah and you get your first boner #WelcomeToManhood #MazelTov

[Jacob Goldberg's Penis @MyJewishPenis]

it's dark in these new khaki's that Jacob's mom is making him wear to synagogue