My Real Husband

This is where I tweet the ridiculous and inappropriate things my husband Daniel (@GnRLies) says.

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"If you can have gay sex with David Bowie that doesn't even mean you're gay."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"I will push you to anorexia if it's the last thing I do."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"...not to say that I'm gay, because I'm probably not...."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

I'm not sure why but my husband is obsessed with the idea that he can fit into my clothes. He's currently trying on my wedding dress.

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"You're so lucky you married me. You would have married the most boring person in the world if I didn't take you."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"There are more capital B women inside the church than out of it."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"I am an exhibitionist but I try to honor my marriage by only exposing myself to men."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"Have you never seen a grown man's penis through a sheer woman's thong."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"I'm super fat. I couldn't even zip up those medium women's ski pants."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"There's nothing funny about childhood obesity except looking at an obese child is kind of funny"

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"You owe me a Christmas Party tonight from 7-9. Do you know of any that are happening."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"When I'm at work during the day I figure you are probably at home secret eating."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"Can you imagine if you had to be reeducated and the only person you had to teach you was a black man?" #idontknowhim

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"I don't pay a full time nanny and secretary to have to remember to get places myself."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"You begged me to call you Khloe Kardashian."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"Aren't all women recovering bulimics?"

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"God usually calls me to do really immoral things."

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

Me: I look skinnier with my glasses on.
Husband: You look skinner to me after I've been drinking.

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

There is no role in which a woman is better than a man, in any situation.

[My Real Husband @MyRealHusband]

"I'm so gay but I still love chicken biscuits."