Mysti Jordan

Professional talker. Misplaced Texan. Writer. Otter junkie. Collector of fur babies. Green hat perpetrator. A tad off kilter.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

This not about security. This is about control. #riseup

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

@_amariahxo @VerizonNews @Verizon Same. And I’m traveling. This is not okay. They need to fix it.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

@Verizon, get it together, Golden Boots!!!

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

I mixed pistachio pudding mix into my yogurt and it’s green. Does that count? #stpaddysday

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

We adopted Odin from @PimaAnimalCare after losing our sweet Rusty Pants. Rusty’s sister, Pica, was devastated and mourned him for weeks and weeks. But then she opened her heart to Odin, and I think this picture says it all!!!

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Back in my day, they gave you your new glasses in an hour. Now they say, “Yeah, you need stronger glasses than these. Please continue to wear them for 7-14 days.”

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

On Tuesday, I misread a garlic cream sauce recipe. I saw 1 c of butter. It said 1/4 c butter. So I had to quadruple the rest of the ingredients. Consequently, we’ve been eating EVERYTHING with garlic cream sauce this week, and I’m not mad about it.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Well, Walmart is forgiven for earlier because we are both out of our minds. I checked in and sat and sat and waited and waited.

Then, they called.

“We have you checked in, but you didn’t tell us what parking space you’re in.”

Cool. Sorry that I’m stoopid.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Go home, Walmart, you’re drunk.

“We are out of 9 oz. Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks. We are replacing it with…

9 oz. Great Value Sharp Cheddar Cheese Snack Sticks.”

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Here are two fun facts for you:

1) Some people who work with AI as a profession say we're about 7 years out from it advancing past the point where we can control it. 2) A medical robot that can transform itself from solid to liquid, then back to solid, has been invented.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

@PimaAnimalCare he came home Tuesday night scared to be touched, and now he can’t get enough snuggles!!!! Odin says thank you for taking care of him until we could!

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

I just sneezed, then said, "Oooh. Sorry."

Immediately followed by, "Thank you."

I sneezed, apologized, then thanked myself.

How's your day going?

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Who decided fajitas should arrive at your table while they’re still actively cooking?

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

I was today years old when I learned that cow tipping is not a real thing.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

I’d like to meet the person at a mucinex who woke up one morning and thought, “You know what’s missing in the cough syrup aisle? Blue raspberry flavor.”

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Bill & Ted quotes

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Someone pretending to be Keanu Reeves messaged me and invited me to a private Google chat. I created an account called “Neo’s Chosen” and have spoken almost exclusively in quotes from various movies Keanu has starred in. This is what happened.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Using more “Matrix” quotes.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Using more “Matrix” quotes.

[Mysti Jordan @MystiJordan]

Using “Matrix” quotes.