NOTVicForestsCEO

We ran at a $54.2m loss last financial year. Yet we remain a going concern. Yes, I'm a parody. Of an actual industry.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Here's me on the phone to the police.

Pretty sure just even criticising logging is now illegal in the state of Victoria.

[Victorian Forest Alliance @alliance_forest]

Dan Andrews govt wants to pass draconian new laws that will see forest protectors in Vic face increased fines of up to $21,000 or 12 months in jail, for peaceful protest in #nativeforests scheduled for #logging

Join us this Tues 21 June, 9.30am, Parliament steps #springst

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

@JennyCo83740508 That's always been our strategy. It worked on politicians well enough.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

And the hits keep on coming.

https://t.co/GvJJO2cyYU

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Ah crap

[6 News Australia @6NewsAU]

#BREAKING 🚨 Victorian Government to end native forest logging in January 2024: reports | #6NewsAU

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

@JennyCo83740508

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

It's OK. Had a word with Dan and he said he loves our work here at NOTVicForests (not that we're doing that much atm, tbh) and that our operating loss of over $100m will be covered. By cutting jobs in the Conservation Regulator's office

So it's win-win!

https://t.co/aSme2DAOF4

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Good idea. People already have trouble distinguishing me from the real CEO of VicForests.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Going forward, accounts engaged in parody must include “parody” in their name, not just in bio

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

A lot of media types are asking for comment about our latest court setback.

Of course I'm disappointed, as is all our executive team. This could affect our plans to buy investment properties.

But we have one ally the greenies don't: an obstinate Premier.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

@tangthe Good. Report to the Bourke St bunker Monday am. We'll pay you gazillions (money never a problem here) but be aware this job does require you sign over your immortal soul to your line manager. Ask for Bee Lzebub at reception.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

We're just now looking for a new media person, Penny. Want the job?

[Penny Tangey @tangthe]

@platypusadmirer "VicForests hasn't lost a court case in the last two hours".

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

🤩

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Well. With all the wildlife gone, and all the protesters in prison, our way will be clear!

Get on it, @DanielAndrewsMP

https://t.co/GvMAniAbFy

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Value nature? What is this hippy shit?

https://t.co/AAPA0RY16e

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Down with this sort of thing.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

We here at NOTVicForests don't define ourselves as an ecocidal and lawbreaking logging agency, we define ourselves as humble purveyors of wood to the deserving poor.

[Matt Burke @matttburke]

lmao

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Oh, I rang and asked the minister about it already. Our call went like this:

Me: What ARE we planning to do about this?
Mary-Anne Thomas: Umm ... nothing?
Me: That's right!
...
See, Rosemary? The Minister says there's nothing to be done. I really can't argue with her authority.

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Actually, I'd much prefer it if you don't.

Give IBAC funding and tools it needs to do proper job against corruption https://t.co/3NBduQwazW

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Umm, yes.

[Victorian Forest Alliance @alliance_forest]

Do you agree with #vicgov that peaceful #forest protestors & scientific surveyors in #logging coupes should be hit with up to $21K fines or 12 months jail?

If not, join us for snap rally this Tues June 21, outside parliament, to oppose new legislation.

https://t.co/m83ikYA3JT

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

A protest? Tuesday morning at 9.30? Not if I have anything to do with it.

[Nina Killham @ninakillham]

Victorians, your government wants to implement draconian laws to stop protest, oversight and protection of forests and threatened species.
Tuesday 21 June, 9.30am at Parliament to oppose the anti-protest laws, and call for protection of native forests.
#StopLoggingNativeForests

[NOTVicForestsCEO @NOTCeoForests]

Don't get behind this petition.

Our right to cut down state forests for fun and profit outweighs any concerns you might have about the 'freedom to protest peacefully' and other such outdated ideas.