Bobby Murray

Danny DeVito is my spirit animal

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Gotta love my @Verizon service, can’t watch a video or load a page without waiting and walking around for service, but thank god the ads always stream no problem, every time

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Actual, physical stores should be legally required to accept actual, physical money

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Mighta just Ghostbusted the Pope

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

I’ve decided I’m giving up for Lent

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@CarterLumber this is the company that won’t call me back after their truck rained gravel all over I-85 while dragging a load and damaged my vehicle. This was the truck, tried to wave the driver down but no…

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Got damn Larry Bird still looking like he hadn’t had teeth his whole life

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Seconded. Please go to the @IliadBookshop in North Hollywood and buy a ton of books from them. They’re great people and do NOT deserve this. No one does. Let’s cash mob them!

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Dave Chapelle’s attacker got that Tom Segura arm

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@RMcElhenney And she’d parachute back down to earth on those jeans 🦢👖🪂

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@mattwritesbooks *throw a handful of spooky sand on the fire, it sparkles, “these are the tales of the midnight society”. I proceed to tell a vaguely metaphorical tale of my worst childhood moments, that explains why I’m afraid of old ladies and wigs*

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

Thank you @Hulu for your constantly spotty service and failing streams during the most pivotal college basketball games in 2 years. So Glad you’re my bitchass provider in these trying times. Can’t watch the games but thank Walt the commercials come in crystal clear (*fart sound)

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

This Putin guy is 5’6”

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

The fuck is presidents’s day supposed to be? It’s a federal holiday, but Election Day isn’t?

[Charlie 👑🐀 @CharlieDayQuote]

Can we take things back to normal?

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@ed_solomon Sounds like a savory sauce

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@sleepinglion78 @ed_solomon MIKE JONES 281-330-8004

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

@ed_solomon Baguette and raw vegetables sticking out of a brown paper grocery bag, gtfo

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

I was gonna work out today but I didn’t see an encouraging post from @TheRock so I’m cooking meth

[Bobby Murray @NOTbobbymurray]

*Invests in milk crates* Mwahahahaha