NSA

[NSA @NSAlolz]

On a flight today and TSA still feels me up. No love for government bros. #sameside #onmynuts #milehighspying

[NSA @NSAlolz]

It's early...what are your cats doing? Call our "customer service" and we'll tell you. #takingyourfreedom #togiveyousecurity #watchyourcats

[NSA @NSAlolz]

While you're sleeping we turn on your tv and play subliminal messages to make you think we are necessary. And we also watch you #legalcreep

[NSA @NSAlolz]

You know what's better than taking a nap at work? Getting paid by everyone in the country to do it! #thanksforyourtaxes #naptime

[NSA @NSAlolz]

We have a satellite dedicated to watching people pick their noses #yeaweseeyouRandy

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Best part of the job: Watching porn. You never know when the terrorists will hide a subliminal message in @meowmistidawn #perks

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Good morning America! How are y'all doing? Haha jk we already know #yourtvfilmsyou #sodoesyourtoaster

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Haven't posted in a few days because twitter suspended us...they are just in denial that we are a problem #jealous #spyking

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Yes watching hot girls at the beach is one of our jobs. They are just as bad as terrorists: they cause car accidents and incite violence.

[NSA @NSAlolz]

All our podcast listening team who didn't get assigned @PodcastRT are pissed. #soakingupknowledge #listeningtopodcasts #onyourtaxdollar

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Btw we know how many times you hit snooze every morning #startoutright #procrastination #yousnoreloud

[NSA @NSAlolz]

We give @jesus a run for his money in terms of all we know. #weseeyou #youdshouldbeashamed

[NSA @NSAlolz]

It's seems like more people sext around this time. FYI we have your texts on a big screen in the break room. #smalldickdave

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Big news! Tim Cook told his mom he'd be home by 9 but told his friend "fuck her! I'll be back when I want" #yourbusiness #ourbusiness

[NSA @NSAlolz]

My boy Barry @BarackObama and I are really concerned about all your grammar in texts. #readingyourtexts #getitright #spybros

[NSA @NSAlolz]

The best thing about being able to turn on people's cell phone cameras are girls that keep them in their cleavage. #freeshow

[NSA @NSAlolz]

@twitter I need a "follow all" button. It's for your own safety! #nationalsecurity #cooperate

[NSA @NSAlolz]

I need a "follow all" button! #nsa #isyourfriend #wink #suckers

[NSA @NSAlolz]

Hey guys. Just looking up your personal data. You should really consider deleting you browser histories. #cheerleadingdogstriptease #nsa