Secret Police

The Sheriff's Secret Police. Known by our blue helicopters in the sky, we strive to keep Night Vale...safe.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

@Fire83 Officially, we follow few. Unofficially, we have trained ravens to follow everyone else.

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

Your Man Card has been revoked. So has your Sentience Card. Also your Living Thing Card. Your Pile of Rocks Card is still good though.

[Night Vale Vet @NightValeVet]

Brush your pet's teeth. Polish your pet's teeth. File your pet's teeth to razor edges. Dull fangs cannot protect you from what is coming.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

The stark, agonizing sanity granted by tonight's blood moon should subside by sunrise. Remain calm and tune to @NightValeRadio for updates.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

Tonight's eclipse has supercharged bloodstones all over town. Now's the time to reanimated any corpses you may have been saving up.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

The SSP and @NightValeRadio are working diligently to contain the havoc wrought by tonight's lunar eclipse.Updates as the situation develops

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

A blood moon shines tonight, giving a brief pulse of life to the endless void of the night sky. Gather your loved ones. Hope for the best.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

If your cat is experiencing interdiminsional translocation, don't worry. That's just what cats do.

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

If train A is traveling west at 40 mph, then how much time is left?

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

The SSP are investigating recent tooth theft by malicious fairy creatures. For now, keep your mouths shut until the issue is resolved.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

Remember, citizens: Once it gets dark, forget everything you ever knew and be silent.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

Join your fellow citizens at 6pm tonight as we gather outside the town hall to quake in fear at the deep, black void of sky hanging over us.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

As the old song goes: "Love is all you need to destroy your enemies." Finer words were never chanted.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

EMERGENCY: Citizens are advised to uproot, contain, and burn all nearby rose bushes. Do not ask why. It is too late for explanations.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

Reminder that blankets protect you in your sleep. We do not know what from, but we are fairly certain they provide some kind of immunity.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

To those that made it to 2014, Congratulations on your survival and good luck in the year to come. Gift baskets will be distributed shortly.

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

The SSP would like to thank all citizens for their mandatory donations of bone marrow and money, collected late last night. Happy holidays!

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

We have recieved numerous reports recently of spontaneously combusting snow, so be careful during the next scheduled blizzard, citizens!

[Secret Police @NVSecret_Police]

@nvcitycouncil Leaf collection funds were cut after last week's Secret Police Poker Night. Flamethrowers will be dispatched shortly.