NYCT Subway

24/7 subway updates, glimpses into a meth-fueled hellscape,& support for the city that never sleeps. If you see something, tweet something. [email protected]

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

The disruptive customer of Walshingforth Aberntnanthy Piddlesnort IV, the self proclaimed King of the Upper East Side. He escaped hiding in a Dior garment bag and left a calligraphied threat on an escalator. Huzzah!

[NYCT Subway @NYCTSubway]

Southbound Q trains are delayed while we get police assistance for a disruptive customer at 72 St.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Turns out the mechanical problem was due to GHOSTS. They’ve been sued by the city for impersonating Patrick Swayze and Mayor DeBlasio has committed to persecuting the specter to the fullest extent of the law and ouija board.

[NYCT Subway @NYCTSubway]

Northbound A and C trains are delayed while we remove a train with a mechanical problem from service at Jay St-MetroTech.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

All southbound A,B, and C trains have been converted into wooden trolleys that still go about 50mph underground. All northbound A, B, and C trains are covered with splinters and debris. Delays are inevitable.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

There’s a raccoon doing a guest DJ set at Chambers St, so we’re just stopping everything to see if this guy has got the goods. Expect delays.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

A, B, and C trains have resumed service after a Christian alt rock band was forcibly ejected at Port Authority.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

@iamChrisVolpe @NYCTSubway Most people cannot tell the difference because there is no difference. Just a carnival car of cartoonish misery that tourists sing about later to their livestock in the Midwest.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Queens-bound R trains delayed because a conductor saw a couple French kissing on a platform, stopped the train, and said “I’ve never seen a love more true than this,” while crapping his pants.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

@Juditht40858626 @NYCTSubway Expect longer than normal delays for all Toontown-bound A, B, and C trains.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

@wb5384 @NYCTSubway @ShannanFerry They did it on a dare like Tyreese Gibson in one of those fast and furious movies.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

@kaypeanuts @NYCTSubway Please contact your representative to install the Batpole* we proposed in numerous past legislative sessions so hospital staff could get down there faster.

*Batpole, NOT a fireman’s pole, which is an important distinction

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Expect longer than normal wait times in Brooklyn-bound Q trains because a birth happened on one of the cars and the baby came out speaking beautiful King’s English but had a lot of mean things to say.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Brooklyn-bound N and R trains are delayed due to a flamethrower being lit on one car and a juggler with flammable sleeves on another car and the three cars in the middle just got WHOOSH’d super hard.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Uptown 1 trains are running express from Chambers St to 14 St.
Uptown 2 trains are making local stops.
Uptown 3 trains aren’t making any stops, they’re just barreling through traffic, shooting up through the ground, and must be stopped by any means necessary.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Queens-bound F and G trains are proceeding with delays after someone painted a tunnel onto a brick wall like a Roadrunner cartoon. Next of kin will be notified shortly.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Northbound 6 trains are delayed due to a switch problem on the board that nobody can figure out, nobody...except for the plucky, scrappy, underdog janitor with a salty tongue and a heart of gold!!! Thank you for your patience.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

L train service has resumed AND THIS TIME IT’S *PERSONAL* https://t.co/YywSi1G5eC

[NYCT Subway @NYCTSubway]

8-Av-bound L trains are delayed because a train's brakes were activated at Bedford Av.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

Queensbound 7 trains have derailed, barrel-rolled some five additional miles and completely leveled LaGuardia Airport. You are welcome.

[NYCT Subway @NYTCSubway]

A and C trains operating without air conditioner and but with a sense of belonging that you can usually only find in a Norman Rockwell painting only to find out that the belonging means you can never leave and yes, it’s going to be this hot forever. Thank you for your patience.